Had to revise that. The correct quote is "upon" not "on." I have found great inspiration in the many works of Bertrand Russell. He wrote extensively on almost any subject you could name. Perhaps he will inspire you as well. I wish you the best Paul.
”As soon as we abandon our own reason, and are content to rely upon authority, there is no end to our troubles.” (Bertrand Russell)
"When you are studying any matter, or considering any philosophy, ask yourself only: What are the facts, and what is the truth that the facts bear out. Never let yourself be diverted, either by what you wish to believe, or what you think could have beneficent social effects if it were believed; but look only and solely at what are the facts." (Russell)
Paul, I sympathize with your situation. The God hypothesis is deeply unsatisfying. It is a lazy explanation because it explains nothing at all. As for the problem of childhood indoctrination, I have composed several articles, but I think the following three might be most relevant:
Hi Paul By golly, you are smart, Paul. Smarter than the rest of your family. Well done. So welcome to this world of rationality, truth and peace, where common sense and science lead to freethinking wisdom. We invite you to join the busy group "ORIGINS: Universe, Astronomy, Life, Earth, Humans, Religion, Gods, Atheism, Evolution, Darwin..." with 700 discussion topics and 3600 members. http://www.atheistnexus.org/group/originsuniverselifehumankindanddarwin