I feel you. Unfortunately, although I am a nice, hard-working,respectable etc. young woman, all that would go out the door if I proclaimed that Jesus is no deity. I'd be cast aside, stoned, and shameful. I respect his philosophy, but as a person only.
I have not clearly come out either, not because I am not confident in my non-belief, but because I don't need the extra drama right now.There is a time for everything. I just remain quiet and even play devil's advocate a lot. But they are going to assume forever that I either have Jesus, or Jesus is waiting on me to come to him either way.
As far as the "bougie" is concerned, that connects with the idea that we have somehow neglected and betrayed out roots. However, that couldn't be farther from the truth. I,for instance studied Af-Am lit at the graduate level...More importantly, even if I'd studied European lit, one can't be deemed a race traitor for knowing, seeking, and choosing to believe what s/he wants. You know?
I was excited as well to see another black women. I was surprised to see any black people at all. The people I am tied to are rather devoted to their beliefs (never having doubted them). So I now have hope. I currently know no black women freethinkers, atheists, nontheists, etc! It's so important to put yourself out there. When times of trouble come, it's Very important to have people who understand. Although they mean well, not even my own family can be of support because they are clueless.