Please smite the Christians or, at least, tell them that if they want to tell people what to do in bed leave thy name out of it. And while you're at it, Make a BBC star marry me. I'm partial to John Cleese, but I would settle for Rowan Atkinson or that guy who looks like Dudley Moore on Bargain Hunt. And tell the churches to put better stuff in their rummage sales. I like rummage sales. Amen.
Oh, sheesh! Believe in you?! Beg forgivness?! You're not making this "going to Heav'n" thing very easy or enjoyable. How do you expect brand-loyalty with a plan like that? FSM let's us dress up like pirates and say "Argh!"