I've been reading so many blogs recently and much of it is so depressing. Every time that I hear a new story about the fundamentalist state of mind and the effects that it's having both on world and people, it's so sad.
So then, why are we the bad guys? We're the ones who are hate-filled and and unwilling to try and understand. While I have the same distaste for the religion itself, I have a lot of trouble coping with how to address "the flock". I guess it depends on the person. Many I find to be sincere, devout followers who think that they are in the right. But many others, I get the impression of willful ignorance, staring facts down and trying to find ways in which to deny what they see. Why then are these people normally the worst of them all in trying to beat everyone over the head with their agenda? I guess if I was trying that hard to convince myself of something, maybe I would try really hard to convince others as well.
Or maybe I am. I was raised with a very "god will help you" mentality and I can't shake the sound of my grandmother's voice from my head, and a slight flutter in my chest, whenever I refer to myself as an atheist. Also, I find myself looking at irrelevant things, like series of numbers, and thinking, if only fleetingly, that they represent some kind of message. This is all to say that it makes me think that maybe I'm just like those believers I just mentioned. I'm not steadfast in my (non)beliefs and that maybe that has something to do with why I want others to understand my point.
I'm really looking for people to help me come to terms with my identity. When I come out to my family, this is likely to get me at least nearly disowned. They didn't allow my sister to family functions for years after she came out as a lesbian. And the only reason her girlfriend is allowed over now is because they started going to church. Some may ask why I would even want acceptance from this bunch, but they're family and I love them.
Okay, I hope that someone reads this and has some brilliant words for me. Thanks for listening.