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# What is the temperature of hell?

The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it
with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have
the pleasure of enjoying it as well :

Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas
cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One
student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at
which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are
leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to
Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how
many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that
exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since
there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong
to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of
souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of
change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order
for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of
Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and
pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in
Hell,then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes
over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in
Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I
slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am
sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary
of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is
not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving
only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which
explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'

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