The weather in these parts varies outlandishly throughout the year. I've heard it said that there are two seasons here, but simplifying it down to Hot and Cold does no justice to the swarm of retched weather that we who live here have to endure:

In early January, there is high wind, dry, blowing, extremely cold, and biting. This wind is like a blundering, uncoordinated aspie in a chemistry class lab to a fragile piece of glass equipment; the slightest touch by it provides such damage and/or risk of damage that words frankly fail.

The spring doesn't happen. It just becomes normal winter.

May happens and it's sort of bearable and fine. Actually quite so at times. Of course, this lasts for two weeks at most.

Next that I recall, comes Summer. It's a bearable sort of summer, with the beach a viable option, or even lounging not unreasonable.

Either putting an end to summer, or following the next season, comes Storms--a shitload of them. On maps on the weather channels they look like a /-slash, moving west-to-east, often carrying those damn red pockets and making regularly-scheduled programming go silent and then... "Bbreep. Bbreep. Bbreep. [The National Weather Service [pause] has [pause] issued [pause] [...]] [...]".

Right in the middle of Storms comes Power Outages. Yes, it's a season. It'll happen two or four times--sometimes without even a storm, which is why it warrants recognition as an independent phenomenon. Lasting for hours at a time, or just popping in for a fraction of a second, resetting your alarm clock while you're away at work or school, these can ruin you.

Then, for no reason at all, High Summer comes out of nowhere. This is Summer with extra radiation. The sun isn't just high and hot, it's bloody burning. Anyone who was more useful than just going to the beach and into the sun all the time in their youth will feel the biting pinch, like an ant with a crayfish's claw for its mouth, of the sun's harsh rays on their skin. Sitting or walking out in it for basically any length of time will increase the energy of the outside of your body by an amount that bloody well appears to violate conservation of energy. It really shouldn't be physically possible for anything human to get as hot as my body gets in this vile sun.

This year, something rather interesting happened: High summer switched directly over into October, over the night between August and September. October is a season here. It means the period from about October 15th to October 25th, which should be pretty tolerable in most years.

It was October through half of September, then High Summer came back, then it was Indian Summer for all of three days, instead of the usual six. Bloody budget cutbacks. Normally Indian Summer does take up around a week in early October.

Normally, then, it becomes November starting on October 26th or 27th, just early enough to piss on Halloween and skimpy costumes, and it stays November until around the 17th of December. In the season of November, it's drearily cold and windy and painful. This year, November started early and was actually Super-November, a.k.a. Scotland. This year there's a season named Scotland. In the season Scotland, it is dreadful, wet, raining, unnecessarily cold, and deadly if you don't have a place to be warm and dry. It will probably kill you if you stay out in it for too long.

At the 17th or so of December, the season is Hanukkah. I would call it Christmas, but it's several days. The wind is calm and the air is still enough to taste and it tastes good. I can walk around and it's not horribly bitter. This ends on about the 22nd, before Consumermas, just like November precedes Halloween.

Then it becomes Wind again until next February, when it becomes Normal Winter.

What is wrong with this place?

Views: 11

Tags: High Summer, Indian Summer, May, Normal Winter, November, October, Power Outages, Scotland, Seasons of North Carolina, Storms, More…Summer, Wind

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