Top Ten Reasons I Am No Longer A Catholic

I will not be including the Spanish Inquisition in this list because nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.

  1. I don’t want to be associated with any social institution which effectively served as a front for an international child sex ring which both supplied the victims and sheltered the abusers in a deliberate, systematic manner. 
  2. The only activity in which I want to be constantly shifting between sitting, standing, kneeling and saying “Oh, God!” is NOT appropriate for a church.  
  3. I like to sleep in on Sunday and eat meat on Friday. 
  4. The Church condemned Galileo for treason but remained passive towards Hitler and the Holocaust. 
  5. What’s with all the candles?!!
  6. I have evolved sufficiently enough to act morally and responsibly towards my fellow man without needing to be threatened by an eternity in Hell.
  7. The Church’s stand against contraception in the face of world overpopulation and the AIDS epidemic ravaging Africa is not merely archaic; it is recklessly criminal and deadly.
  8. If I had to go to Confession now, I would need to take a leave of absence from work and there would need to be a team of priests rotating in and out of the confessional on a daily basis for weeks to adequately judge all my sins and blasphemous thoughts.
  9. Unless you’re Hannibal Lecter, that whole body and blood of Christ thing is just gross!
  10. I don’t want to go to church and be surrounded by so many sinners in one place at one time. 

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Comment by Our Daily Train blog on March 23, 2013 at 3:19pm

I think all you needed was the first one.

Comment by Pat on March 23, 2013 at 7:57am

I kind of like candles. Especially if I'm in a situation where I'm standing, kneeling, sitting and yelling "Oh God!" As to the rest of the list, I agree. I would add one more thing. I really don't want to belong to an organization that is run by a group of old men who've made a career out of not having sex (with adults, anyway), and show up for work everyday in a dress, with more bling than a recording artist for Death Row Records.

Comment by Napoleon Bonaparte on March 23, 2013 at 12:27am

Seriously, Catholics are dirty people who pick their noses and don't wash their hands after using the toilet.

Comment by Grinning Cat on March 22, 2013 at 10:38pm

On #2: some of the sexual prohibitions in the bible specifically relate to neighboring religions, where having sex with the priest or priestess representing the god was thought to be a way to get closer to the god.

On #5: maybe it's time to rethink candles and flames as symbols of beauty, respect, romance, and other such things.

NOBODY expects the SPAMMISH REPETITION!

... Among our main weapons are surprise, fear, ruthless efficiency, and an almost fanatical devotion to Hormel!

Comment by Daniel W on March 22, 2013 at 10:22pm

Nice list.

There are plenty of sinners here, you don't need to go to church to be surrounded by them.

I am no longer Baptist because...

1.  There is no god.  That's kind of a big reason.

2.  Baptists are blatantly hypocritical.  To them, the worst sins are abortion (never mentioned in the bible, at all) and homosexuality (in the bible, equal in abominability to eating hot buttered shrimp while wearing a cotton-polyester blend shirt) while joyfully disobeying numerous of the 10 commandments on a regular basis.

3.  Baptists condemn wine, claim that their literalist fundamentalist bible means "grape juice" when it says wine, but come in to church hung over from carousing on Saturday night.

4.  Baptist preachers so often call themselves "Bishop" but condemn catholics as the spawn of satan, except when the only antigay antiabortion candidate is übercatholic Santorum.

5.  There are so many Baptist clergy and "youth pastors" who are sexual predators, a red light should be hung from the arms of the cross.

6.  Baptist communion crackers are also considered the body of christ, and the grape juice his blood.  Which is equally as gross as catholic cannibalism - by - proxy.

7.  Too much jello served at the chili-supper pot-lucks.  Foamy and with marshmallows.

8.  The preachers are always dropping people when baptizing them.  Or they go into the river to baptize, with mud squeezing between toes and disgusting dead things floating around.

9.  Baptists love to think that everyone else is going to spend eternity in hell fire, eternal torment without redemption.  That shows how much they love you.  Because god is love.

10.  When baptist preachers lead the hymns, they sound like a wounded dog howling.  But the responsive readings sound like zombie recitations.

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