I did a little creative writing project. tell me how you like it!

The Skeptic's Prayer:

Hey god,

I don't know if you exist or not but if you do and created me the way I am I thank you for that because I like being able to think for myself. I don't know what you're like or if you speak English since we are praying ot the Hebrew god and all, but I have a couple family members here who feel comforted by me praying so I'll proceed to thank you for a couple things like this wonderful meal and how we are all here together.
However, while I have your attention, I have a couple bones to pick.
First of all, I don't think it's very fair to me that my family judges me for holding the null hypothesis for your existence while you haven't had the time to prove it to me yet.
I know you get pretty busy listening to some of the world's prayers while people starve in Africa, but once you get around to listening to this it would be nice if you could prove yourself to me so everyone could stop worrying.
If proving yourself to me is against the rules or something, at least please help them understand that it is ok for me not to believe if something isn't proven to me. You put the knowledge of null hypotheses in my mind after all.... you do work in mysterious ways...
So on a lighter note, help us all now as we sit here at our dinner table masticate properly and hold a conversation is pleasing to you which doesn't have too much free thought in it so that others don't start to doubt your existence too.
And... if you have time, bless this food too. I don't know what that means but I hear your followers say it a lot so maybe you get what I'm saying.
Keep up the good work, man. I know its busy up there with people always whining about their deviations from your perfect plan, but don't be too hard on yourself for not getting to workning on the world's sexist and poverty problems... you can't be everywhere at once! I got your back, man!
Seriously, how can we expect you to handle all by yourself? You're a monotheistic god! It's not like you have anyone helping you! I mean, the gods on Olympus had it easy! They could just divvy it all up!
Anyway, I guess we can only trust that you're doing the best you can. Don't get too discouraged that the world is getting more secular. Plenty of people still like you. Could you tell them to be a little less horrible to each other though? They're seriously killing your rep.
By the way, if you'd stop being so stubborn and just came down to talk with your children every once and awhile, maybe they would stop killing each other over what they think you want them to do and actually know what you want. It would make your job and mine SO much easier.

Well, thanks for the ear buddy. I don't know if you exist or not because you haven't returned any of my calls but I think I have to go now because my family is getting pretty tense for some reason. They're probably just hungry so I'll wrap it up.
So ah... if you get the time go ahead and think some of that over and call me back when you get this!

ttyl, man. Peace.

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Comment by Johnny on December 31, 2009 at 1:35pm
and oh wow, Thisbe, that might be the cutest story I've ever heard in my whole life =D
Comment by Johnny on December 31, 2009 at 1:31pm
I've found that the kids in these supposedly moral Christian schools are the most wild and rebellious of all teenagers probably due to that iron grip. I attended one and I attribute my atheism directly to it. If I didnt analyze the Bible so much through that school I never would have gave a damn enough to drop my beliefs or be annoyed at closedmindedness.

oh man... if only Christian parents studied a bit of basic psychology before they sent their kids to these schools they wouldn't be making the job of secularizing the world so damn easy. LOL i think that it is wisely stated that the atheists don't even have to do anything. The Christians just destroy themselves.
Comment by Colleen Quinn on December 31, 2009 at 12:20pm
Johnny,
I loved it. I just had the worst trip back to my parents home. Both my mother and father treated me poorly. The first day we were there, apparently, my 7 year old free-thinking, kick-ass daughter said something upsetting to my dad. He said something to her and she replied. I don't believe in god, Bumpa (his grandpa name). Now, my alcoholic mother is almost always a bitch to me and favors my god-fearing health nut brother and his sweet god-fearing wife. But they were pretty cold and there were a number of comments said under the breath that really made me feel pretty bad. Now I have held atheistic beliefs and have not been secretive about it for about 15 years. But just recently attended the AAI conference and made the mistake of telling my mom I went. They really seem to be "worried" which seems only to me to be judgmental and irritated cloaked in phony "concern". Anyway.... I related to your sentiments. I wish my family were different but I've been wishing that since they sent me to Catholic school from 1st through 12th grade!
Comment by Howard S. Dunn on December 31, 2009 at 1:10am
Haha. I'm pretty sure someone is going to lambaste your vile suggestion that there might be a god! Very funny stuff. Also, the weird thing is that many a Christian has gotten downright pissed at me when I suggested that, if god gave me a brain, he intended me to use it. Weird.

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