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"The Devil cannot read your mind," Mom assured me.

(This little exchange took place when I was a kid.)

"The Devil cannot read your mind," Mom assured me. Her eyes widened, and her voice took on that sweet, Glenda the Good Witch tone. Like she was telling me there was a hot chocolate in the kitchen for me. Like, "Don’t forget your lunch!"

I leaned in but threw up a little in my mouth. Satan, she elaborated, has studied human behavior for millenia. He is a master at reading facial expressions and body language. If you are thinking about bad things it will show. "Satan," Mom warned, "will use this information against you."

I glanced in the mirror. Does that little lift to the corner of my mouth give away this morning’s masturbation? Satan, was it hot? Oh shit! Blank face! Blank face!

I walked her to the car still practicing my expressionless expression, wondering if I’d had the expression of thinking about being expressionless already, wasn’t the jig up?

Mom was late for Microbiology class.

Tags: Jehovah's, Masturbation, Satan, Witnesses

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Comment by Ravenone on March 20, 2009 at 2:41pm: Hahahah...Unholy...So true. Nekkid is Sinful!!!

Comment by unholyroller on March 19, 2009 at 11:27pm: I hear ya, Buffy. Got the same threats when I was a little kid....only...on judgement day, you would be standing NEKKED in front of gawd who would thunder your sins to all of creation. Implying that being naked was the most shamful, degrading thing possible....possibley even worse than your sins. Talk about scaring the piss out of a little kid! Ask me again why I'm an atheist.

Comment by Ravenone on March 18, 2009 at 7:50pm: Hells Yes it is!

Comment by Jim DePaulo on March 18, 2009 at 11:37am: It's the reason they call "good" Christians "god fearing". It seems his whole purpose is to scare the shit out of you. It's sort of an extention of Santa "...knows when you've been good or bad..." - early training for god fearin'.

Comment by Ravenone on March 17, 2009 at 7:25am: It's the truth,fear of God is put into you and it's an affective tool of control. I actually reported myself to the Elders at the Kingdom Hall. I had a problem with masturbation after I discovered it at 19. I called many times for help...lol! I was told to sleep with my bible under my pillow. I just know those men got off the phone and rubbed one out because they asked graphic questions and got real quiet after I answered. EWWWW!

Comment by Buffy on March 16, 2009 at 10:05pm: Such sick stuff people put on children in the name of "god" and religion. Big Brother is always watching, and he knows what you do--even in the dark. I had a pastor tell me once that God was always keeping track of what we were doing, and that he'd play it back when we died, like a videotape of our lives, to remind us of all the evil we'd done. Why do they feel the need to terrorize children with lies to control them?