The 2010 Darwin Awards (inofficial...)

A friend just sent me an e-mail with this inofficial "Darwin Award" list, which I thought would be funny to share with this community.

 

And here it is...

 

"Eighth Place 

In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys. 

Seventh Place 


A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran", accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run. 

Sixth Place 


While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom, when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital. 

Fifth Place 


Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor. 

Fourth Place 


Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger. 

Third Place 


After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol. 

The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt. 

HONOURABLE MENTION 


Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 A.M. So they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice that the window was closed. 

RUNNER UP 


Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee jumped from a local bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more excited, and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge, they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. They secured one end around Bingham's leg and then tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby 
fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located. 

AND THE WINNER IS.... 


Zoo keeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn , Germany ) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief. Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded. 

The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves... 'Shit happens' 

IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPORTANT TO THANK THESE PEOPLE FOR REMOVING THEMSELVES FROM THE GENE POOL."

Views: 70

Tags: Darwin, award, fun, list, prize

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Comment by John B Hodges on January 28, 2011 at 11:45pm
Famous last words: "Hey, guys, watch this!"
Comment by Carl Esser on January 23, 2011 at 12:55pm

I had received this awards list from an old friend of mine. He is a - I would say - hardcore right wing American living in Minnesota. After I had posted this list here, I e-mailed with him to inform him about it.

 

The following is the mail exchange we've had ever since, I thought it was nice enough to post it here, it's really sweet, don't you think?

 

From: xxx
To: yyy 

Date: Fri, 21 Jan 2011 14:37:32 +0100
Subject: AW: 2010 Darwin Awards

splendid, I just published them on my atheist blog... :-)

 

Am 21.01.2011 um 23:06 schrieb YYY:

You have an athiest blog?  This sounds like it could be some entertainment in my spare time.  Do you have a lot of contributors? 

 

From: xxx

To: yyy
Date: Sat, 22 Jan 2011 01:00:38 +0100
Subject: Re: AW: 2010 Darwin Awards

Well, I just started it, so I guess it may take a little while yet... But then, is that important?

 

Am 22.01.2011 um 03:50 schrieb yyy:

If you are an athiest (sic!), you only have so much time before you die and go to hell, so I guess that yes, it is important to get your blog up and running ASAP.

 

From: xxx

To: yyy
Date: Sat, 22 Jan 2011 12:15:54 +0100
Subject: Re: AW: 2010 Darwin Awards

Hell Yes!!! :-)))

 

Von: yyy

Gesendet: Sonntag, 23. Januar 2011 05:35
An: xxx

Betreff: RE: AW: 2010 Darwin Awards

My Dad never thought that you were really serious about your atheism. He thought you were a good, conscientious Catholic kid who just did this stuff for some kind of a mental sport.

Comment by Brent Feeney on January 22, 2011 at 10:21am
Makes you wonder sometimes....
Comment by Explonential on January 21, 2011 at 12:12pm

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