I spent the day with the boyfriend's aunt. And she's sweet. But she really really really really really really hates Obama. I mean, I'm not a fan, but I just don't know how to respond to a woman who gets HOSTILE about Obama.

 

It makes me want to hide any kids that occur from my relationship from her just in case she thinks one of them looks like Obama and she eats them.

 

I guess what it is for me, is just the surprise that she isn't liberal as I thought she was(?). I don't argue politics with family(even if they are my boyfriend's). I either will say "Oh, at least they aren't Bush Jr(bad idea!)" or "I really really love this chai tea you gave me...where did you get it?".

 

It's only a matter of time until they ask me my faith, and I'm so scared. His grandfather(on his mom's side) is a pastor. Really awesome guy, really sweet. The wife? Tammi Faye Baker BEFORE she grew a brain. But she's nice enough when her husband is there.

 

I guess my worry is that they won't like me too much. I'm the typical southerner: I say yes sir/ma'am or no sir/ma'am, I try to help, and I cook pretty well. Aside from my atheism and uncanny knack of walking into walls, I don't see where they'd think I'm...odd.

 

Maybe I'm just worried cause I'm a black atheist...in the south..I dunno. I'm so freaking tired. Who knew watching two comedies back to back, eating pizza and drinking tea were soul draining adventures?(they aren't, I just felt like a fish out of water again.)

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Comment by Monica S. on March 3, 2011 at 11:02pm
I tell him how I feel, even a few seconds ago(hehe) telling him about the score with his aunt. She's nice, but she really buys into the birther BS. Which I'm like *facepalm*. I know I can't make everyone around me smart, but I just didn't know that people would be so willing to believe EVERYTHING they read online. Even in texas. lol
Comment by FeminAtheist Mumbo Jumbo on March 3, 2011 at 10:48pm

Hello, Monica!

 

I feel for ya.  I never imagined that I wouldn't like my inlaws.  I married my best friend of 14 years and never really knew his family.  I always thought they were different from what they are.  They are the most uptight neurotic catholic people I have ever met.  They are "scared" of everything.  Not exactly people persons.  And judgemental.  They don't know they are judgemental, but they are.  When you talk to them you get this strange look in return.  I call it the scared bunny look.  It just kinda puts you on edge and makes you wonder if you farted in mid-sentence or something.  I just always have the feeling that I'm being judged and disapproved of. 

 

Why should I care if they approve of me or not?  Right?  I'm an adult and I am a good human being.  The parents don't know that we are atheists and we have no plans of telling them.  The siblings all know and it isn't a big deal (that we are aware of).  Neither one of us want to say anything to the parents because we know they will take it very badly.

 

There's no easy answer for you.  Talk to your boyfriend about it.  Discussing the uncomfortable or the hurtful is probably the hardest thing to learn to do in one's intimate relationships, but if they are going to work or last then it is something you just have to do. 

 

And as Glen says, be true to yourself.  I've always been respectful to my inlaws but not to the point of being their bitch.  I had to take my father-in-law on in one instance.  He's a real 1950s mindset jackass.  Told his wife when they married that he was progressive and that she could have a career as long as the house was cleaned, dinner was ready when he got home and the kids were taken care of.  *spit*  He thought he was going to have a say in what house we bought and was a real jerk when he found out what one we put an offer on.  I stuck up for us and let him know he was being a bully.  It really made things difficult for over a year, but he learned to not fuck with me. 

 

Best of luck! 

Comment by Monica S. on March 3, 2011 at 10:34pm

Well, he told me when I was feeling like his grandmother was giving me the evil eye that I was with him, and if they didn't care for it they can all go to hell. AKA "You are part of my family now. The end. "

 

There are times that I seriously thought he'd pick his family over me, but he's been himself. A few days ago I heard his uncle's friend use the "N-word". And I got upset. REALLLLLLLLLY upset. So I just kinda curled up in a ball and played with my toes while I thought the BF was taking a shower.

 

He was NOT showering, but instead giving a little verbal dress down to the person who said that term. He was like "Look dude, My girl heard you use that word. And if she has a problem. I have a problem. We do not tolerate, use, or allow that word in our presence."

 

Before he did this he told me I should go and make the person feel as uncomfortable as possible because he was the asshole who did something wrong, not me.

 

I really like this guy lol

Comment by Glen Rosenberg on March 3, 2011 at 9:56pm

Monica,

If his family is racist they will dislike/hate you regardless of your behavior. Be yourself. Dont hide. In this way you will be uncomfortable initially but you will feel better long-term. Further, you will guage your man based on his reaction.

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