Religion - The Afterlife Insurance Scam

A whole-life policy designed to give the holder an eternal life after death. Most people receive an Afterlife Insurance Policy from their parents when the are very young. (I received a Roman Catholic policy when I was 6 days old.)

The terms (commandments) and conditions (sins) are well defined in the policy handbooks written millenniums ago by the Afterlife Insurance Company superstitious founders. The premiums are paid by real donations, time, useless prayers, semi-pagan rituals, sacrifice, and a complete surrender to, and fear of, a God and/or himself/son.

There are thousands of insurance agents who work here on earth for the Insurance Company selling many different policies and are found on just about every street corner. There are term-life policies for Born-Again Christians and Muslim policies that contain special clauses that include 72 virgins in the afterlife (act now - supplies are limited). If you truly believe it all, there are even special "Sarah Palin" Rapture policies that will help you skip the long lines at St. Peter's gate on Judgment Day.

If you do not own a policy, there's a chance you will burn for eternity in a lake of fire (especially those who deny God's existence). To file an insurance claim all you have to do is die. But since you're dead and there is no magical afterlife, you'll never collect on a lifetime of wasted afterlife insurance payments, to an Insurance Company that never existed. Literally, the ultimate scam of your life.

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Tags: Afterlife

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Comment by Louis on September 1, 2009 at 4:20pm
It's how my mother says it. We are from memphis. lol
Comment by Dave Rogers on August 22, 2009 at 1:09pm
When are we going to start taxing church income and property?

After the Health Care Reform debate raging now, imagine the loons that will come out of the woodwork for Afterlife Insurance Reform.
Comment by Dave Rogers on August 22, 2009 at 12:24pm
I used the word donation in the blog, plus I included in the metaphoric "premiums" all the other crap you invest in the belief to "claim" your place in heaven. I'm saying it's a wasted endeavor to buy this "afterlife" insurance since heavenland doesn't exist anyway.

Tithes are essentially force donations to a church. I believe in Medieval times it was an officially forced 10% payment to the Roman Catholic Church. I also believe Mormons still "tithe" 10% of there income to the LDS.
Comment by Dave Rogers on August 22, 2009 at 11:42am
Don, I bet you know Louis meant tithes you old wordsmith. And I mean old in the nice way. ;~)
Comment by Louis on August 22, 2009 at 10:49am
It's so true. People who can barely feed their children are paying tides. Why? So pastor Whatserface can go visit the 'holy' land and bring them all back trinkets in the form of pictures of his pasty family ontop of dirt steps, sweating like it's going out of style.

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