It is late (or rather early) and I find myself restless and awake. I wonder at how my life has changed, at how differently I see the world and the people in it. Just a few years ago I was so much the opposite of who I am today. I find myself thinking, where would I be, who would I be If I had decided not to leave faith behind? Would I be happy? Certainly not. I am still as lost as I was with God trailing behind my every step. But now I can make choices freely, not having to take direction from an invisible guide through this twisted and confusing maze some call life. Even though I would not call my life a booming party I would have to say that I am now truely and completely living my life. Every aspect of life is much clearer and more distinct.
And what of the ones I love? I now see them differently. I do not know if I am completely sorry for this. I suppose what I am trying to convey is, is atheism fullfilling? Is it supposed to be? Is it worth the disconect and the alienation? I suppose it is all a step of growing older-- to have ones veiws and perceptions shattered to grow anew; to grow stronger.
It is not all so tragic as I may paint it. These are just thoughts-- a few among many. I enjoy looking outwards at others trying to interperet what they may be feeling and thinking. In this way, these thoughts and feelings are not completely my own.