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Passage of Youth

It is late (or rather early) and I find myself restless and awake. I wonder at how my life has changed, at how differently I see the world and the people in it. Just a few years ago I was so much the opposite of who I am today. I find myself thinking, where would I be, who would I be If I had decided not to leave faith behind? Would I be happy? Certainly not. I am still as lost as I was with God trailing behind my every step. But now I can make choices freely, not having to take direction from an invisible guide through this twisted and confusing maze some call life. Even though I would not call my life a booming party I would have to say that I am now truely and completely living my life. Every aspect of life is much clearer and more distinct.

And what of the ones I love? I now see them differently. I do not know if I am completely sorry for this. I suppose what I am trying to convey is, is atheism fullfilling? Is it supposed to be? Is it worth the disconect and the alienation? I suppose it is all a step of growing older-- to have ones veiws and perceptions shattered to grow anew; to grow stronger.

It is not all so tragic as I may paint it. These are just thoughts-- a few among many. I enjoy looking outwards at others trying to interperet what they may be feeling and thinking. In this way, these thoughts and feelings are not completely my own.

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Comment by Rick Burnett on May 2, 2010 at 6:00am: I knew my youth was gone the other day when I received my old age in the post. I was opening bills and I came to the house insurance bill, it read, congratulations your insurance has been decrease by $99.31, a Senior discount starting March 27th 2010. I stared at it for a moment and said oh and told my wife. She laughed then cried, I am not married to a senior citizen. Is that what you mean by passage of youth? lol.

As for my decision on becoming a non-theist, I did it and haven't looked back. I don't miss anything. I have felt such a relief and now that the 500 pound Gorilla is off my back it does seem to open up a whole new world for me. I see everything with the eyes of a child fresh and innocent. There is no religion to tell me I must hate this person for one reason or another, I was always caught between the rock and the hard place because I was kind to all. I only avoid people that annoy me. I hate no one wellll... there is a family I hate The Bush's both ex presidents, their wives and children and any offspring they create. For they are such a hateful bunch themselves and greedy. I must truly say I hold a very strong dislike for them. I just dislike idiot republicans like Limbaugh, Coulter, Beck and Fox news so if you get my drift I dislike the hate mongers. I realized that I did not need to lean on anyone to be satisfied in life. I make my own happiness and the only time I am miserable is when I can't control it, like now, I have a miserable cold and sinus infection from all the changes in weather and wind blowing but this too shall pass. There are lots of things that could make me unhappy if I let it but I refuse to let them win.

For the Christians I really wish god made man in god's image then all you Christians would be invisible and I wouldn't have to see them. lol

Comment by feralboy12 on May 1, 2010 at 1:31pm: No, I wouldn't consider atheism to be "fulfilling." Then again, I don't think it's really supposed to be. It's life itself that should be fulfilling--atheism is the shedding of a grand superstition, a superstition that not only throws up a layer of nonsense between you and the experience of your life, it teaches you that this life isn't the one that matters.
As for having one's views and perceptions shattered--being willing to set aside prior views and be open to new ones when new information comes to you is how you avoid the shattering effect. It's the rigid structures that shatter--it's why skyscrapers are built to sway in the wind.