My first blog post, a dirty (science) joke.

From memory, I can't remember where I first read it, but it was pre-internet. All I can remember was the premise and punchline, the original author (whomever they are) should not be held responsible for anything, other than the original idea -> if it is badly told, the fault is entirely mine.

~ R

 

In the far future, man discovers not just a convenient means of inter-stellar space travel, but the first alien race as advanced as ourselves.

 

Earth sends it's representative to their planet to learn about them, their science, history, culture, etc. He is assigned a female representative of the planet's most technologically advanced species to aid him in his research.

After a year on the planet this astronaut decides to ask a question that he's not sure will be a taboo subject or not, he asks, "how exactly, does your species reproduce?" She replies, "Perhaps it's better if I just show you…".

 

Now, this astronaut gets a li'l excited at this prospect because he's not had sex in over a year, and his alien guide is quite attractive. To his dismay, she leads him to her vehicle, which this species just so happens to call a "car".

 

They drive for hours, finally reaching their destination, a large structure. He notices at once that there is an endless stream of aliens leaving by one of the structure's doors.

 

She takes him to the other end of the structure and they enter. "This is one of many lines in this structure, there are many of these structures on our planet". As they pass into the first area, he's astonished to see an assembly line and a machine that places a pair of feet on the conveyor. As they walk the length of the conveyor, passing from room to room; legs are added in sections, then a torso and finally the head. The alien steps off, dresses and leaves the last room to join the other new aliens filing out the other door. Our hero is speechless.

 

As they drive back to his accommodations, she notes his amazed state and asks, "Why the look of astonishment, how does your species reproduce?" His look of amazement changes into a leer (hey, it's been over a year, right?), and he replies… "Perhaps it's better if I just show you…"

 

When they reach his place, he leads her into the bedroom, takes off his clothes, then hers and proceeds to display all his love-making skill that he can remember, …after an hour they both come to a climax, and the alien starts laughing hysterically and says, "that's it?"

 

Taken aback, our hero asks, "Wasn't it good for you?"

 

She replies, "It was fantastic, …no it's not that you performed badly, it's just that this is how we make cars."

 

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Comment by Steph S. on February 27, 2012 at 4:50am
That's funny!
Comment by Richard ∑wald on February 26, 2012 at 4:37pm

@thewoodenwand I may have read it, but I don't remember. Many years ago I took out "Asimov's Encyclopedia of Humor", from the library, ...it was a huge book. I actually read the whole thing and I only remember one joke, one punchline actually. The joke was about this long description of injuries sustained by some old guy who fell down the stairs, the punchline was; "And he broke his glasses too..." The joke in my blog post may have originated with Asimov, but I've thought about it a bit and am leaning more towards either Spider Robinson or Larry Niven, ...or maybe even Martin Gardner.

Comment by Ruth Anthony-Gardner on February 26, 2012 at 4:14pm

ROFL

Comment by thewoodenwand on February 26, 2012 at 3:42pm

Funny, yes, Have you read Asimov's story on alien reproduction, I do not remember the title. But It is a couples 50th wedding anniversary so she wants to give her husband something special. On their anniversary a young girl shows up and seduces the old man. After two days of sex the young girl morphs back to her old self she was the wife all along. My kind of present.  

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