No big deal really, my brother has his new girlfriend over to my parents house for lunch. Nothing that anyone even really gets excited about. But immediately I'm upset again because for the hundredth time I'm watching one of my siblings enjoy normal, inclusive treatment from our parents that I'm not given. For me, it's enough to cry over. It's enough to make me blow off lunch and go hungry instead. Part of me asks, should I be upset? Am I overreacting? But wouldn't anyone feel the same way?
When I have a girlfriend I'm expected not to talk about her and to keep her out of my parent's way. To bring her into my parents home for a friendly lunch would be impossible. They would probably want to throw up if they saw the butch women I date.
On the one occasion, years ago, that I told my parents how it makes me feel when my brother's girl or my sister's guy are accepted and eagerly welcomed into the home. They looked at me puzzled and asked why. Because I'll never have that. Because nobody I'm with will ever be treated decently much less invited to dinner. My dad stared blankly at the floor and my mother gave a short, disgusted laugh. I felt their hatred for what I am like a bonfire in the room.
My parents love me but it would be incredible to feel what its like to be loved completely, for everything that I am.