Dear Earth,

If there is a God, why would there not be just one book, one religion, and one clear answer to all human questions? Let us take the Bible for instance…it is written so as to be interpreted in dozens of different ways…do you disagree? In my alien experience it is those who are unable to think who have brought upon some of Earth’s most unforgiveable acts. Other Gleep-Glopians who I have talked to, who share similar theories about your existence, think that these religions were purposely written by mongrels of power to create as much division as possible among humans. Their claim is feasible at glance—how much war and bloodshed can we attribute to religious belief? How many people have died in the name of a god or religion?

Civilizations from other galaxies have visited your world for thousand of years. They are mentioned in mythology and scriptures from every continent on Earth. They, like us, are friendly aliens; if we wanted to take over this world, wouldn’t we have chosen to do so before you invented nuclear weapons? I suspect, based on the variety of space vehicles being reported, that there are a multitude of alien civilizations, some of which I may not even be familiar with, visiting your Earth.

Take heed you creationist and evolutionist radicals—there is a third possibility—you could both be right! (or you could both be wrong!)

We aliens move about the heavens in huge, self-contained mother ships. Said ships are big enough to recycle liquid, gas (such as air), food, and enough power to run for entire centuries. We are able to mine fuel from other intergalactic solar systems, star systems, and even asteroids. Our “mother-ships” are so large that they are unable to be parked on planets as fearful and uninviting as yours, nor are they able to shut down their “antigravity” in gravitational situations. If a ship were to do so, the impact would be so great that such a ship would collapse under its own weight. Since an alien must keep its ship weightless, the ship is kept in an orbit of some distant (to you) planet. Now, of course, with a “mother-ship” we have all sorts of scouts and work/exploratory vehicles, which are obviously what you see flying around your atmosphere. Our “mother-ship’s” crew is massive. We are concerned with space exploration much more so than your underfunded NASA.

To be blunt, we are your gods. Some of our civilizations are millions of years old. We know how this macrocosm works. We have seen other intelligent species’ come and go (destroy themselves). We know the evolutionary steps of cognition and what it has to do with how you have developed as a race. We want to protect the universe from harm. And similarly to the “god” you believe in, we want to see this universe flourish.

As an alien, I don’t come to Earth very often but I like to keep track of the evolution on this planet, and others, when I visit. This is especially true when we are dealing with beings that show signs of intelligence and have developed discernable speech.

Is there some kind of barometer for us that can measure your cognition? YES! It is called religion! And, since we can, we decided to not only give you one, but to give you a bunch of contradictory religions—even religions that you can make up in your basement if you want—like Scientology or Mormonism! With religion, we give you completely unintelligent concepts mixed with the abstract ideas of the unknown. We play on your emotional instability.

As long as you humans can’t see beyond the self-induced fallacy of the importance of your existence, then there will always be a perpetual battle of whose religion is best. Every time I fly by your Earth I see temples and churches and mosques, and I can’t help but wonder that why in a world so full of loving gods is there such an intent to kill and be dominant. Sometimes it’s pathetic how primitive you all can be. In many cases you have no respect for the lives, ideas, races and cultures that are dissimilar to yours. And you are most certainly not the masters of your own emotions. You are so unable to govern yourselves, that we have absolutely no wish to show ourselves. Our astute emotional state of being couldn’t handle such idiocy.

And that brings me to my final point—with you humans pointing a finger, proverbial cannon, or figurative rifle at anything that doesn’t look, smell, or worship like you do, I’ve decided you may not transverse our solar system or any other around us. Until you are able to master your emotions and differences in opinion then you shall stay uninformed about the universe.

I once abducted a few humans who seemed intelligent to me. Gogol, one of those humans, asked me, “What is the true religion on earth?” I answered him simply, “There is no true religion on earth young Nikolai. Find that which makes you happy and believe in it internally. Do not fight with those who hold beliefs unlike your own. When you have mastered the art of being a good person then you will be more satisfied than any external god could ever make you.” He was unable to understand such freedom and eventually starved himself to death under the advice of a fanatical priest. The second human, a gentleman by the name of John Lennon, said, “Imagine…a world with no religion,” sometimes I think humans read that command the wrong way.

From as early as your existence you have needed an explanation of why you live and why you die; an explanation of what creates the sun, and planets, and drought, and floods. And so, socially similar group created a super being, or many super beings, to explain such things. As the ability to think began to develop, each of these explanations became untenable. And you finally arrived at the idea of one God—an idea shared by Christians, Jews, and Muslims. And since science is unable to prove or disprove what is unknown you must take “His” or “Her” existence on faith. Some of your scientists claim that there is a God gene. It does make some kind of evolutionary sense that such a belief over thousands and thousands of years would embed itself into brain chemistry.

However, if I were you I’d stick with faith. You seem to cling to it most closely when presented with disaster. The twisted humor of this is, of course, that religion and its “gods” have been the primary causes of wars, torture, and book burning since the beginning of your existence. Yes, aliens can be sarcastic.

After all is said, what is the purpose of your religion? There are religions about “God,” about creation, about one’s self, and about the afterlife. If you want to be spiritual, why limit yourself to only one idea? In order to become one’s “God” (in a spiritual term), one must understand all religion and its place here on Earth. No one is right or wrong. When you are able to separate yourself from the imaginable, and realize that your “God” is within yourself, and that one’s journey to live a good life is better than waiting for an unproven afterlife, then I will take you to see the rest of this inhabited universe. In the mean time, in stead of looking for intelligence in outer space, how about trying to find some more here on Earth.

Sincerely,

Flerp-Florp, a Gleep-Glopian from the planet Remuldador