LETS COMPARE OUR BIBLES TO OUR CELL PHONES, WHY DON'T WE!!!!

I received a piece of chain mail from someone in my email contacts and wanted to share it with you all. :)

Now, I'm not sure when forwarded chain emails became the standard of medium used to spread  "religious favors", "insults", or "judgement's of damnation" but hey, to each it's own! ;0)

This specific contact is pretty close to me and is aware of my stance on the subjects of religion, discrimination, hypocrisy and judgement. There is no surprise on how I respond; present or future to these intrusive rants of "saintification".

Ok, so here we go. The message is basically making a comparison between the way believers treat their bibles vs their cell phones. What a comparison to make, huh? Enjoy :)

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Ever wonder what would happen if we treated our Bible like we treat our cell phone?

:) We are comparing the handling of a "holy, powerful, spiritually made" manual to a common, cheap, man made communications device. Hmmm, I would think that something as dear to a believer as the bible would have more meaning than to be compared to a piece of plastic that houses an IPHONE or ANDROID. Im just saying! :) 

 

What if we carried it around in our purses or pockets?

:) Actually, this is already happening. When theists are out and ready to "spread the good word", I would say that over 85% have their bibles, notebooks or pamphlet's ready. I would think that this would be a requirement for them since the "word" is their "weapon" of choice. :)

 

What if we flipped through it several times a day?

 

:) LOL...this is funny because; for the majority of theists, all they do is "flip through it". Since it has been taught and experienced by most, the bible is best read NOT from genesis to revelations....but in a mixture of mismatched scriptures from all 66 books. In a way, you can credit the misinterpretations of certain passages and readings to their "page flipping". ;)

What if we turned back to go get it if we forgot it?

:) EXAGGERATION! How many of you, atheist and theist alike, have lost a phone in your lifetime? How about the past year? past month? Most phones are double to triple the cost of your standard bible. I am sure that the replacement plans, insurance and reports of loss are more widely used for your phone than your bible. In no way am I saying that your IPHONE 4 is any more important than your King James version bibles, but lets be real. :)

 

What if we used it to receive messages from the text?

:) Well, I'm sure there is an app for that. Just kidding! No really, the bible is a pretty hefty size and does have a plethra of "text" in it. In this new technology age, the bible has been translated, formatted, extended, abridged, and even sent to audio! There is no way that anyone's data plan or ISP or can support having that much traffic circulating on the network. That would create a pretty huge bill and a sluggish network. :)

 

What if we treated it like we couldn't live without it?

:)  ??? HELLO ??? Theists can't live WITHOUT it. This line just made me think this message was for the theists that just aren't getting the whole bible concept. I mean, I'm sure that when you make a claim to believe in a faith, you research the tools available to you to learn "the way". :)

 

What if we gave it to Kids as gifts?

:) That would be LAME! They would be pissed! Yeah, you can give it YOUR kids....but believers are already indoctrinating their children into their faith practices. I mean, they are fighting over prayer and the national anthem in the schools today. Some kids may like it and a few of them may read it from time to time but it won't stick with them until they see YOU "living" it. :)

 

What if we used it when we traveled?

:) ok, let's see. Using a bible while traveling, hmm. I don't think that would work out at all. You see, the bible's plot takes place in the Middle Eastern countries.....I'm not sure if it can help you get from Detroit to Cleveland. I would rather use my GPS than depend on Moses' blind wandering in the wilderness. :)

 

What if we used it in case of emergency?

 

:) Well, over half the time that a bible is cracked open is when a theist has a "emergency" that they "need help" with. I mean really, the saying "come to me in times of need" is more taken advantage of than bible study in the churches. Get real, you are gonna pray and hope when things really hit the fan but it's not gonna be opening the bible and reading that is gonna help you out. :)

 

This is something to make you go....hmm...where is my Bible?

 

:) No this makes me say, hmmm. What have theists been using their bibles for to this day?? Door stops, coasters, furniture shims, paper weights? If it takes this sequence of questions to spread this obvious information, theists really need to beef up their training in the churches....REALLY!!! :)

 

Oh, and one more thing.Unlike our cell phone, we don't have to worry about our Bible being disconnected because Jesus already paid the bill. Makes you stop and think 'where are my priorities? And no dropped calls!

 

:) The worry of being "disconnected" is within all theists. I mean; the threats, warnings, and examples made from those who have "backslid" are massive and graphic IN THE BIBLE. And it's not only for them because this message is forced into the ears of nonthiests as well. "No dropped calls"....really?? I have known many theists that were perturbed by the "lateness" of their deity's "response" to their "requests". It's always justified by them though, which makes it all better for them to be let down. :)

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Comment by Grinning Cat on August 1, 2014 at 12:23pm

Richard Cahill writes:

WHAT IF WE REALLY DID TREAT THE BIBLE LIKE IT WAS A CELLPHONE?

We could:

Delete anything on it we didn't think was useful anymore.

Filter out the weird bits by identifying them as "spam."

Ignore any messages we got from it that we just didn't feel like dealing with.

Hundreds of different Bibles--hundreds of different cell phones! Pick the one you like the best!

Anytime it wasn't working for us, we could just say "Couldn't get a signal"" and not be responsible for anything we might have missed.

Using Siri is like praying--helps maybe half the time, on a good day, and it works much better if you ask for something that has a good chance of happening anyway.

But most importantly, WE COULD TRADE IT IN EVERY COUPLE YEARS FOR A NEWER BOOK

Comment by Paula Michelle C. on June 19, 2011 at 1:17pm
Hmmmm...are you suggesting we stick bibles where the sun don't shine? hahahaha  The bible I had as a child laid in the cupboard for most of my life and then ended up in the trash with used tampons and other useless paper products!!!!
Comment by amanda alexander on June 19, 2011 at 12:54pm

Ummmm bibles to tampons....

You take both out of the package and let them fill you with something in some way shape or form?

Comment by Paula Michelle C. on June 19, 2011 at 12:47pm
I got an idea!  Let's compare our bibles to TAMPONS!  Go.......
Comment by amanda alexander on June 19, 2011 at 9:53am

This is pretty funny... I get these all the time, I have blocked most of my family and friends that send them. Comparing the bible to a cell phone is wrong though because I know from living in the evangelical south that most people don't carry a bible or even KNOW what's in the bible. Like you said with the "flip through" part, they don't even do that really. I am making my christian friend read her bible because she's embarassed that a complete athiest has read it from front to back and has a lot more knowlege of it then she does.

 

This was a fun post though ^.^

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