Jesus is inside you…and you want me to feel him…?

I decided to post my last blog-post on facebook and I just happen to have family in TN, GA, and NC that are all Young Earth Creationists...yay me! My Uncle took the liberty to comment, and here is a little taste; "I'll live for JESUS and die for JESUS...only saying that to let you know he is living inside me. If I could let you feel him, I would!"

Aside from letting him know that the amount of capital letter used is not directly proportional to the importance of the point you are making, as he used them A LOT, I couldn't help but let him know that I had no desire to get inside of him and feel Jesus. It could have been even worse had he said that Jesus was an extension of him....oh boy. I had to say something! I'm sorry, I have a lame sense of humor, and if someone is going to open the door like that, then I have to walk in.

Fortunately for me, debating, if you can call it that, with my family is like an automatic door. I just walk toward it and it opens right up for me. I don't even have to try, they say some of the darndest things I've ever heard. Pull out the popcorn, how about some more excerpts.

"Just remember that GOD is real and he loves you and me the same! He has never sent anyone to Hell..we send ourselves their by not accepting JESUS."

-right, he created it, he set us up on the path to failure, and he, indeed, sends us to hell. It's like setting dog food out, leaving the dog home alone for a weekend, and then beating the s**t out of him when you get back because he got into the food. Shouldn’t have fell for the influence of Cujo. Unless of course he repents with his cute puppy eyes and accepts Lassie as the divine puppy progeny of Scooby-Doo.

"I’m just a sinner saved by grace. That’s the only difference between me and the lost man. I still live in this carnal and sin every day. GOD gives us free choice so we are not his robots. Blesses are those who believe and have not seen."

-so blessed are those who believe on nothing more than faith. In other words, I have nothing more than the Jesus inside of me that you can't feel, so I have to use faith. And because I believe without seeing that makes me even more important. I believe in the Flying Spaghetti Monster without seeing him, does this mean I'm going to get to touch his noodly appendage when I get to Spageaven whereas those who needed more to believe only get to smell his garlic-like aroma?

“My GOD bless you Eric and my prayer is he give you a sign that you can see he’s real.”

-Sure, he’ll use his energy to give trite, insignificant me a sign. That’s a lot easier than stopping a tsunami from killing thousands. So much for your “free will” argument, which is in contradiction of him giving me a sign? And so much for an all powerful omniscient creator.

“There are no atheists in hell.”

-Right, we agree on something, there are no atheists in hell….there’s no hell, except for this conversation….this is hell!

“This is the work of the devil. He deceive people through all time and still is.”

-Who created the devil? Your all-powerful god can’t stop him. Oh right, free-will, except when god answers our prayers….i need a drink!

“I have never seen GOD with my natural eyes but he is like the wind.”

-Right, like the wind….except for the fact that you can physically see the affects of the wind and measure/define it…that which we can not say for your homeboy, Yahweh.

“My hope for you Eric is that you get the facts of both sides, and I mean the truth.”

-No, you mean “your truth.” And hello kettle, this is the pot, you are indeed black. And by the way, I’m not even a black pot.

“The BIBLE is a living word and unless you read it in truth and in spirit it is like nothing else you’ll ever read….Don’t let the devil tell his lies through whoever will listen.”

-There’s my mistake, I’ve read it, but I never read it in truth?

I hope this was as entertaining for you as it was for me. I think I’m going to keep goading my family so I have more material =)

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Comment by Eric T on June 30, 2010 at 2:00pm
Scott- It's not hard to do. I just post something on my Facebook that is critical of religion and they are all over it like TMZ on Brittany Spears.

feralboy12- I agree, that's probably what he meant and indeed a catch-22. And nice one with the Jeter line :-)

Adrian- Exactly!! However, it is fun to do and there are other family members, more reasonable but religious, who I know will see it and could possibly be swayed, so I do it anyways!

Ally- Sad more than painful, although there are times I wish it wasn't such a joke. Living word...ever seen Sesame Street..I've seen letters and words talk on there so it must be true! Yeah, the robots line; I hear that one from everybody. It's a very common talking point of theirs....haha....epic fail!
Comment by scott martins on June 30, 2010 at 10:23am
Please keep goading them so you can post some more gems!!!!
Comment by feralboy12 on June 28, 2010 at 3:43pm
As I understand these things, the Bible will reveal itself as God's truth if you read it while believing it to be true. Of course, that's a Catch-22, but logic is not a strong suit of religious people.
Oh, and just because you jump on those easy straight lines doesn't mean you have a lame sense of humor. I mean, even Derek Jeter has to field routine ground balls.
Comment by Adrian on June 28, 2010 at 3:32pm
Those people are in so deep you can't even begin to reason with them
Comment by Ally on June 28, 2010 at 3:25pm
Thanks for sharing that - hilarious but painful.
I have always wondered what the f**k they mean by "Living Word" ...
"So we are not his robots" Oh RLY? that one made me laugh!

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