It Burns! [Genesis and Cattle- Part Adam]

So apparently an Atheist with the Scriptures in her hands is as lethal as a vampire falling in a lake of holy water. But the internet Bible sites aren't cooperating with me so here we are. Heehee, my book has zoo stickers in it.

I think most of my blog posts will be things that are semi-obvious to the Atheist, but the purpose of this blog is to organize my thoughts in an indestructible moat of heathenism. Also, to mildly entertain those who read it. Thus I will try to keep it interesting. If there are misconceptions or things I failed to mention in my picking the Holy Books to oblivion, please mention them-- I want this so be as solid and absolute as possible.

I started "pre-genesis", since most Christians shun the Lilith story, and so now I'm moving in to normal Genesis.

Genesis, the first Book of Moses, chronicles the adventures of God as he creates to day, night, darkness, light, and sea and land etc etc etc etc. This was all extremely boring and familiar; the flaws of Genesis are common knowledge and obvious besides.

Here's the rundown:

#1- The Earth Creation Time Frame-
The age of the Earth is famously debated; a popular Christian argument is that a "day" to God is longer than to humans, and therefore the Earth was created over a longer period of time than it would seem.
God created evening and morning and called it the first day. Frequently, after he masterfully stacks his building blocks of creation, he states "and the evening and the morning were the _____ day" (second, third, etc). So if God created the Earth in thousands or millions of years, what the hell have we been calling a day? Can you have an evening and morning over a thousand-year period? Not even some sort of freaky Satan equinox could make that possible.

#2- What the Cattle?
Genesis Chapter 1 Verse 24 "And God said, Let the earth bring forth the living creature after his kind, cattle, and creeping thing, and beast of the earth after his kind: and it was so."
I don't know about you, but when I think about the beginning of the Earth, I think about dinosaurs. Now, I'm not about to honor the "Dinosaurs were put here by Satan" idea with any sort of argument. But I will say: "CATTLE?!?! O_O". Does anyone else get the image of that goat in Jurassic Park being eaten by a hulking dinosaur? They say that the atmosphere from the time of the dinosaurs was so different from today, modern animals and humans could never have survived in it. Well there goes Adam. There goes Eve. And sad to say, there go the cattle. God created land-dwellers on the same day, it was the 6th I believe. If cattle, by some freak of nature, managed to survive the atmosphere and the dinosaurs, doesn't that kind of prove evolution works? Lastly, God said he created man and woman on the sixth day, yet Adam was alone in the garden before Eve, and fully grown I might add.

#3- I'm Done With Cattle
God mentions making every living thing that creepeth on earth, and also *every* herb bearing seed, and *every* tree.
There are trees today that exist where they once did not. Some are adapted by man, others by nature. Every tree existing was not created back then. And what about poisonous fruits? Seems like a cruel joke, God. Not to mention that the tree God said was poisoned wasn't. Liar. But that comes later.

#4- God Is Omnipotent
So omnipotent, in fact, he needs to rest on the seventh day. Nuff said.

#5- Bestiality?
I know, right? What a big word for a 16-year-old. :D
Now, God says that he gives animals to Adam because it is not good that man should be alone. It says "I will make him an help meet for him" which is a little redundantly stated. A few sentences later, after Adam meet the animals, it says "...but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him". Is anyone else disturbed yet? Those poor cattle! (sorry). And again with my feminist babblings, why were women an afterthought? Created, I might add, so that Adam could get whoopie.

This is taking a while. If I intend to go through the entire set of Holy Books, they're going to have to write them more plausibly. Honestly, I have to make commentary on every other verse!

Next Issue Will Be Eve. And with luck, no more cattle. :)

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Tags: adam, cattle, dipshit, genesis, mad, midget, porn, ramblings

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Comment by Gecko, Seth...brother of Richie! on April 30, 2009 at 10:48pm
Sorry Mike, The rise of the fundamentalist, backed by the wishy washy "moderate" Christians is what makes this all very relevant. Why the Dover trial had to be waged. Why evolution is not being properly taught in many high schools through out America.
Rip into them Jezz.
Comment by Jezzy on April 30, 2009 at 4:19pm
@ Michael: Some religions call them allegories, others call them literal. That's why there are biblical tourist spots I guess. Mormons have always taken it literally, and as I'm still exposed to that, I'm a little too bitter, perhaps. I'm not as serious about it as I seem, though.

Religion is fascinating until you realize people actually believe it. I read once that about 34% of adults in America believe the Bible to be literal and the word of God. Now I generally distrust statistics a little, but I imagine the numbers to be somewhere around there, frighteningly.

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