I give up. Christians can have America....but

I give up Christians, you win. You can have control of America. Your arguments using the Bible are too much for me to refute. You want to use the Bible for the basis for all of our laws. So I am giving you full reign to change all of our current laws to coincide with the laws your God commands in the Bible.

Before I give you full and supreme power over America, there are a few items that have to be decided. Which religion will everyone have to conform? You can’t have different religions discussing how to interpret the Bible now, can you? It’s the Bible, the word of God, how many interpretations can there be? The title “Christian” can be rather ambiguous. In order to assure that the correct word of God is used, you will have to make one Christian religion as the only religion to be followed. It shouldn’t matter, a Christian is a Christian right? I suggest Catholicism, they have all the money and you will have Rome as your main ally.

Since you have been arguing for a “Christian Nation” you will have to throw a way that pesky Constitution and start anew. Since the Bible is the only document that is used to support Christianity, all laws will have to conform to the Bible and Gods commands. I am not sure how you will set speed limits, but I am sure you will find something in the Bible that can be vaguely interpreted.

Not only will your laws have to conform to the Bible, the Bible will have to be used in order to create additional laws. You do want a Christian nation right? You will have to read the Bible and create laws according to what God commands. I hope you have the fortitude to follow Gods commands because there will be a lot of executions that you will have to perform. Where do you think you will start? Homosexuals? Non- Christians? Blasphemers? Insubordinate children? Let us not forget about adulterers. Some of you Christians may be in trouble.

I don’t know how you are going to enforce the law against working on Sunday. You will have to shut down the entire country in order to conform to this law. I am sure you will only allow priests to do any sort of work, since everyone will be mandated to attend church on Sundays. Everyone will have to make sure they fill up their cars with gas on Saturday, since there will be no gas stations opened on Sunday. You won’t need any law enforcement on Sunday either. Hey, everyone will be a Christian; you should not even have the need for law enforcement because we all know that Christians always do the right thing.

That brings me to one last stipulation. You will have to allow all people who want or have no choice, to have the ability to leave this country without harm. You have to allow all homosexuals, atheists, non-Christians and whomever else that you decide is unworthy to live in your country enough time to get their affairs in order and find a suitable country in which to live. You may need to use some political means with these countries. I am not sure if they will be able to handle the influx of the millions of people that you will be kicking out of your country.

I want to warn you ahead of time of some of the people that you will be dismissing. The amount of scientists that you will lose is going to have an extreme impact on your medical and technological advances. There will be a considerable amount of businesses that you will have to adjust to living without. Who needs Bill Gates and Microsoft anyway? You definitely won’t need any pharmaceutical companies; you have prayer to heal you. You will finally be rid of those godless heathens in Hollywood. You will be able to produce all of the G rated films you want. I hope you are not planning on the Disney corporation for your entertainment, they also will not be allowed to stay. You can turn Las Vegas into a Christian haven of brightly lit mega-churches. It could be a destination vacation of heavenly proportion.

This will make you a country that is dependent on imports much more than a country with a major export economy. The industries that you would depend on in order to sustain a viable economy will be gone. You will have to resort to a more Socialist society. Not just out of necessity, but because it follows the teachings of Jesus.

I guess all of you Christians can’t wait until we turn this country over to you. Oh the excitement that you must be feeling! Go ahead and get started on the first item of business. Forget about everything else that is going on in the country right now….you’ll be able to make any necessary changes when you are in charge.

I think that the non-Christians who will have to leave the country will have plenty of time to make the necessary arrangements. Just the time that it will take for the Christians to agree on which Christian religion is the religion to be followed could take a millennia.

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Comment by Stephen Post on July 18, 2012 at 9:37pm

Like A. Jones, I think your essay is crystal clear satire to us atheists, a brilliant and original take on the matter.  Like booklover, I suspect that it would not have much impact on true believers.  They have already rationalized that the brutal laws you referenced don't apply literally in modern times, after Jesus and whatever interpretation they buy into.  You are inviting them to be true to their beliefs with the idea that would expose their flaws.  That underestimates their willingness (or desire to) to stagnate, their ability to rationalize, and their belief that god would make it all OK.

Comment by Anthony Jones on July 18, 2012 at 11:03am

FUCKING... BRILLIANT.

That is all...

Comment by booklover on July 17, 2012 at 7:59am

I'm sure their 'god' will have everything work out for them because he is 'good', and they have 'faith'.  Just how everything works out for them now for those reasons. ;)

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