(Part 1)
Like millions of Americans, I spent Thanksgiving with relatives. We sacrificed a turkey and took Holy Communion of its’ body and its’ blood with stuffing, mashed potatoes, football on TV....the works. And like many of you, I was the lone liberal atheist among a family of right-wing evangelical Jezuz worshipers. Now, these are actually good people in many ways. Decent, hard working, family-oriented, even funny sometimes. But, sadly, they have a mental disorder, Christian fundamentalism, with a side order of delusional thinking, homophobia, and paranoia. These characteristics come to the surface only occasionally but it's a fascinating thing to see. Kind of like a car wreck. Shocking and sad...but you just can't ignore it.

The first thing I learned about my wingnut relatives is that they have absolutely no doubt that Obama is going to get guns banned ASAP. I had heard that gun sales went ballistic after the election but I don't watch Fox and I'm not on the NRA's mailing list so I didn't pay much attention to it. Well, I’m pleased to report that taking away our beloved guns is Barack Hussein Obama's prime "secret" directive. I guess it's part of what the RNC meant by "Not Who You Think He Is". My relatives talked about "when" the gun ban happens, not "if" it happens. In their alternate reality, words (unless spoken by a Republican Christian) "Don’t Mean What You Think They Do". When the Prez-elect says something like "I favor measures that respect Second Amendment rights, while at the same time keeping guns away from children and criminals." the gun-totin’ crowd believes that this is his secret Satanic code for "ALL firearms will be confiscated immediately AND I'm going to force your kids to have gay sex with atheists". The fact that gun control is problem #947 on Obama's to-do list never registers on the tinfoil hat brigade's radar. To them, it's going to happen....soon....like the rapture, I suppose.

Is this paranoid and delusional? Clearly. Or, maybe this is just the sort of thing that happens when the non-thinking get their news and information exclusively from Bill-O and Rush.

(Part 2)
Conversation overheard while in a Tryptophan coma while watching football on TV....someone flips through the channels during a commercial break and lands for a moment on the Ellen DeGeneres show.....

"You watch that queer?"
"No, I don't watch much TV"
"She's an abomination. Disgusting!"


Ellen? Sunny, cheerful, funny, likes-to-dance, harmless Ellen? An abomination?

I'll tell you what's an abomination.

Stoning a 13-year old rape victim, because the Koran says to, is an abomination.

Murdering foreigners in Mumbai (and London, and Bali, and NYC, etc., etc. etc.) in the name of Allah is an abomination.

Denying contraception to millions of poor Catholics - thereby encouraging the spread of AIDS - is an abomination.

Pedophile priests are an abomination. (As are ALL pedophiles)

Genocide and slavery are abominations.

Genital mutilation is an abomination.

The death penalty is an abomination.

CHRIST ON A BICYCLE, THE WHOLE CAREER OF CHUCK NORRIS IS AN ABOMINATION!!!


(Phew)
I need a long nap now.

Oh well. Dinner was excellent and I’m thankful for life, freedom, and I’m even thankful for my crazy family.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

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Comment by Father Nature on November 30, 2008 at 9:31am
Thanks dam. I've been enjoying your writing too.

More guns for postal workers? Yeah, that's what we need. After all, an armed populace is a polite populace.

I really don't understand where this white, middle-class, anger and paranoia comes from. I guess the more material things you have, the more you fear losing them.
Comment by Deborah Mitchell on November 29, 2008 at 8:14pm
Hey. I missed this one. Very funny--and so ironic. My mailperson (who's a black female working with mostly white men) told me that a lot of the guys said they were going out to buy guns. Imagine that. Our postal workers.
Comment by Father Nature on November 28, 2008 at 4:05pm
Thanks Doc. I'm feeling much better now.
Comment by Dr. Terence Meaden on November 28, 2008 at 3:23pm
That's brilliant rhetoric, Father Nature. Well said,
Comment by Clarence Dember on November 27, 2008 at 9:37pm
In the news today, a shortage of Ox2pies caused the Dow to veer into uncharted terratory.......
Happy Thanksgiving.

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