I'm done. I quit. I give up. Besides, it's too late. It's hopeless, despite the "springs eternal" cliche.

After 13 years of being a bachelor, living the solitary life and all, I thought I'd try a couple of dating services. They all sound so promising. They lure you in with the "it's free to join" hook. But if, just if, someone bites (or you bite), they make you pay.

After you pay and contact someone, it never pans out. In my experience, the women write promising--almost desparate "profiles", but seldom follow up. If a correspondance begins, the last one to write is me. Bam--suddenly nothing in return. What happened, you wonder? I thought it was the male who usually got scared and ran.

I've noticed most women are quite religious, according to their personal information. I categorically state I'm not. Perhaps that turns them off. I reckon I'm just not what they're looking for. My age also has something to do with it (70). That does sound old!

So, I'm resigned to living out my life alone. In most respects, I like living alone. There's much to be said for living solitarily. But, I'm a sucker for the hope of love. Who knows what tomorrow will bring?

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Comment by Luara on May 10, 2013 at 4:40pm

It might make more sense just to meet people, one way or another. 

I doubt I'm going to find a romantic partner through an ad.  But perhaps through ads I might meet people I have things in common with, people who would become friends.  And perhaps through meeting people, I'd end up finding a lover. 

You sound rather isolated out there.  Perhaps finding friends locally would help. 

Comment by Pat on May 10, 2013 at 12:59pm

Within the last month, I had a 6 year relationship that ended.  She moved out - which was more of a mutual agreement. Couple of major issues came up that we just couldn't get beyond.  Irresistible force that met an immovable object sort of thing.  We decided to end it as friends, rather than let it fester where we ended up with ill feelings towards each other. 

I now live by myself - again.  Not the first time, and I'm comfortable doing that.  I'm not that convinced there can be "friends with benefits."  Seems when two people, who like each other become intimate, there is something that has occurred which goes beyond just friendship. And, there's no going back. That's like trying to un-ring the bell once it has tolled. But, I have no doubt that I'll be with someone again.  Live with them? At this stage in my life, I seriously doubt it. Get married? Less than a snowball's chance in a volcano. But, who knows what awaits around the next bend in the road.

Comment by Luara on May 10, 2013 at 10:47am

And kids aside, I don't think I'd do it over if I could.

I tend to think having kids is overrated.  Especially for a woman, that experience absolutely rules your life. 

It makes me sad to say that - like almost any woman I love kids.  But. 

the notion of being someone's property holds no appeal for long term living.

One of my brothers told me once that women were trained to mold themselves around a man.  My brother might have been seeing reality through the lens of my parents' marriage, where my father was the dictator.  But I think this sexist paradigm probably still has a lot of truth in it - women who don't want to mold themselves around someone else, have a hard time.  Especially in people of my generation, younger people are less locked into this paradigm. 

Comment by Joan Denoo on May 10, 2013 at 10:24am

I don't "Like" the fact you are alone, but that you so clearly state your angst.

I prefer living alone, in fact am not alone, I have children who respond to my every need. 

As to finding a companion, having been married for 20 years and utterly miserable, and being single for 39 years, I much prefer being single. I don't have to accommodate someone else and put up with mood swings of others. 

I do have a small support group of men and women who share my interests of gardening, gourmet cooking, geology, economics, politics and anti-theism; we have great discussions and sharp differences at times, but we are as much family as I care to have. 

Your wanting to find a compatible person to share your life is most understandable, and worthy of effort. If you look at dating services, the candidates are so often needy. You probably don't need that! My experience with dating is that most men want to fill their needs and ignore mine. That is exactly what I don't want, and I suspect that is what you find as well. 

Being in a relationship often involves some kind of ownership. It may be different for man and women, but the notion of being someone's property holds no appeal for long term living. If I feel I have a right to dictate to another, or visa versa, the relationship deteriorates. 

I hear your desire to find someone with whom to share your life and that is a healthy yearning. I do sincerely hope you find someone that fits you and your personality. 

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