Hi my name is...*distracted* squirrel!!(A Study of Insomnia)

*sigh*

Alright, so I passed my ethics class(woo!) and am in the third week of Health Psychology. Or as I'd like to call it, "How to make your patient actually do what you told them to do in the first dang place." or "Patient excuses 101".

 

Before that, I had to evacuate because the Mississippi River decided that she wanted to be a bit of a pain, so I went west. Thankfully, my family did fine. Apparently there was no flooding in my town, but the ones around it got lots of water and mud(and possibly bears). The boyfriend insisted I come see him, but there was no need to twist my arm(I wanted to go see him anyway!!). After a few days of sleeping horribly, I finally had peace.

 

Well, kinda. See, before I went to Texas, I got to meet my psychatrist and therapist(brand new!). I like my psychatrist. She said she was going to "help me to like me", and looked like she freaking meant it. She put me on anxiety meds(promptly) and cut down my anti-depressant(in half!). Refilled my ADD meds and told me she'd see me in two weeks(well, that got shot down..more water!).

 

My therapist is sad that I am atheist. He believes I need some "spirituality". He doesn't care what it is, but dammit he wants me to feel in touch with something. I am thinking of bringing a Carl Sagan book and informing him that I really really like the stars. Nature and people are the only ways I really feel "connected". I told my boyfriend that as a way to get the guy off my back that I was going to come up with the most insane version of vampirism and tell him that Mickey Mouse is my lord or something. He thought it was hilarious.

 

Despite his need for me to be spiritual...he's really nice. We talked about stuff I never told my former therapist, and he told me that I had a skewed idea of myself from the f**** up churches I went to, so we need to fix that.

So here is hoping he doesn't drag me to a prayer meeting.

 

Anyway, now I am in Texas until I go home, and it's quiet(too quiet..there are be be kids here..). I do my homework, eat, and try not to make too many loud noises. I hang out with the bf's grandma and we talk about random stuff that I don't think either of us remember. I play maple story and cuddle with the boyfriend. Well, except for today. He's in NY moving his sister to TX. I miss him, but I got the computer all to myself(muwahaha).

I called my mother and grandmother today, and things were alright until my grandmother started whining because I "don't believe anymore". I don't get it. I'm just as kind, if not more so, than I was as a believer. WTF should my non-theism brand me instantly as a bad apple?

 

Also, the boyfriend's family is still getting used to my natural hair. His aunt loves it. His grandmother is like "wtf" but the boyfriend loves it. I think it's because he can just pull a curl and go "boing!"(yes he is a dork). But I still worry if I am pretty to these folks. Bah. It's weird. I went natural for myself, but I am still avoiding looking in the mirror when I go to the restroom. Meh. I tell myself that I am not to judge myself by the beauty standards of the mainstream, but when you have a-holes saying Black women are hideous...

 

It really feels like a kick in the goddamned gut.

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