Hey! New use for Atheism! Drive away the Jesus-bums!

Ok, so "bum" is a rather un-PC term.

Especially since I myself am currently quasi-homeless. Although, living out of a tiny RV where ever I'm parked today, without electricity, I somehow still manage to keep reasonably clean (I've got hobo-bath down to a science) and not drunk 24/7.

Unlike the guy who has spent the last several minutes trying to sit next to me and bum money off of me. And I think pick me up.

My initial response to him? "Sorry man. I'm homeless myself and only get $24/month in food stamps." Which is true. I do have other resources, but not many and I've got several other reasons that giving money to panhandlers is not how I prefer to contribute to the poor in my community. I'd rather direct them to a soup kitchen where I'm way more comfortable donating when my finances are in better shape. But back to the situation at hand.

He leaves for a few minutes and comes back. As I'm tapping away on my laptop he asks, "Are you on MySpace?"

I don't react, hoping he'll notice I'm wearing headphones and assume I can't hear him. But instead of motivation to leave me alone it's his cue to yell louder: "Are you on MySpace?!?"

I remove my headphones. "I'm sorry, what?"

"Are you on MySpace?"

"Nope."

"Facebook?"

"Nope. I'm on Atheist Nexus."

His leering smile aimed at my chest instantly fades. His whole demeanor gets icy cold. "Oh," he says in a holier-than-thou, disapproving voice as he walks away again. Quickly this time. And hasn't returned.

By the power of Atheism! Be gone you fairy-tale-worshiping, unbathed drunk trying to get into my pants for more than whatever money might be in the pockets!!!

Or not. Crap. He just came back. But at least he's ignoring me now.

Views: 10

Tags: Evangelism, homeless

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Comment by Jo Jerome on December 23, 2009 at 9:08pm
Well, I grew up in Detroit. This little town doesn't have a lot that scares me.

But I'm also realistic. The guy could well be a serial-killer-stalker-rapist. The street-smart/self-defense part of me seriously doubts it, but always knows that the possibility is there.
Comment by Jason Spicer on December 23, 2009 at 8:59pm
Holy crap! Jo, I think maybe you'd better invest in a big plastic crucifix. Whittle the bottom end down to a sharp point and use Jeebus's head as a guard. I'm glad nothing worse happened.
Comment by Jo Jerome on December 23, 2009 at 8:42pm
**** UPDATE *****

Actually, he did follow me home. A knock on my RV door and "Can I come in and warm up?"

Let's forget for the moment that my RV is tiny, kept barely above freezing, and not enough room for a second person unless that person is literally joined to my hip:

One side of me knows full well what it is to be down and out and that this could very well be case here.

The other side of me asks "What the FUCK kind of male living in 21st century America thinks it is in any way ok to stalk a single woman through a deserted parking lot, knock on her motorhome door, and ask to be let in?!?"

Though the first side of me felt a twinge of empathy for the guy, the other 98% side of me prevailed. I told him no in several ways and that the hospital is only a block away, they can likely help him. He finally left, opposite the direction of the hospital.

I considered relocating which I probably should have done but A) I'm lazy and I was already ready for bed and B) my gut tells me he really is harmless and just kind of stupid. But I made extra sure my supply of blunt objects and camping hatchet were close at hand as I slept.

I am parked elsewhere tonight.

As for the snake, he's big enough to give the cats a run for their money, but they are fairly well separated by glass and screen. He is HDTV for cats. ;-)
Comment by Little Name Atheist on December 22, 2009 at 9:34pm
Heh. We need a big budget Hollywood blockbuster with mega-FX where the superheroine yells "By the power of atheism!" before she transforms.

I'm hoping he doesn't follow you home.
Comment by Jason Spicer on December 22, 2009 at 9:32pm
Hmm. Cats and reptiles are not always a good combo. My niece once had two cats and a pet lizard. She left for a couple days and then she just had two cats.
Comment by Jo Jerome on December 22, 2009 at 8:35pm
Nope. He sat here awkwardly, silent for several more minutes and left again. Think I'll be leaving soon as well, but not related to him and his drunken plastic crucifix. It's cold out, I'm sure my cats are hungry, and I need to fire up my propane heater in the RV so the snake doesn't freeze.
Comment by Jason Spicer on December 22, 2009 at 8:30pm
Heh. Good story. Please post again to let us know he didn't stab you with a plastic crucifix.

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