The following is an excerpt from my upcoming book "Exodus from Zion".

"Please, please God," I sobbed and begged, in torn jeans and a tank top, huddled on my purple bed clutching a pillow. "Why can't I ever get anything right?" Grief, guilt, and shame - the emotional cocktail of my faith - haunted me. I had failed to live up to His commands, His rules, His dictates yet again. I was a 19-year-old girl, and a sinner. I smoked weed, drank alcohol with my friends, and on rare, lucky occasions even managed to have sex. So of course I thought that I was worthless garbage, not fit to sit at the feet of my Lord.

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Tags: belief, book, free, suicide, will

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Comment by Justin Pearson Smith on June 19, 2009 at 4:45am
For me I was pretty much an atheist in high school then decided that Agnosticism seemed to be a better fitting label and then drifted back to atheism. As a result never really had those guilty feelings.
Comment by ObscureAtheist on June 19, 2009 at 3:06am
when i was 17-18 i had the same feelings but my sins were a little different .i didn't smoke or have sex or drink or .. my sins were 1 masturbation 2 looking at girls 3 growing doubts about god and not being able to feel god in my praying and ... lol i think the differences is because of our different environments
Comment by Billy Deaton on June 19, 2009 at 1:05am
Wow, when you were 19 you sound like anyone from my core group of friends, except, not religious or currently in a cult.

If you don't want to say in the open, that's fine, but I'm curious to know if you have a publisher. I'm a big fan of your blog and your posts here, I sure hope you get good distribution.
-b.

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