I've been feeling blah for the last couple days and today I caught a case of the mondays. I expect people to entertain me! Someone tell me a story!

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Comment by John Q. Antichrist or Rosco on November 16, 2009 at 10:48pm
@johnny you sir, came through in the end with a nice save. You win!
Comment by Johnny on November 16, 2009 at 12:36pm
lol the last one was the best
Comment by Johnny on November 16, 2009 at 12:30pm
this should do it. I loved it:

This is a compilation of actual Church Bulletins and Service bloopers:
* Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High".
* Don't let worry kill you--let the church help.
* Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
* For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs
. * Weight Watchers will meet a 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
* Jean will be leading a weight-management series Wednesday nights. She's used the program herself and has been growing like crazy!
* The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
* This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
* Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
* This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
* The service will close with Little Drops of Water. One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.
* Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray t
he cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the carpet should come forward and do so.
* The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.
* Thursday night--Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
* Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
* The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
* At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
* During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when A. B. Doe supplied our pulpit. * The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.
* The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev. Shirley Green, who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.
* The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet" in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
* The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.
* Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.
* Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child.
* Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
Comment by Johnny on November 16, 2009 at 12:15pm
LOL sorry. Bitter monday for me as well. My taste in humor is rather dark today.
Comment by John Q. Antichrist or Rosco on November 16, 2009 at 11:58am
@Johnny your story made me sad but but Rusty's story took away a bit of boredom. Anymore stories for me?
Comment by Edward Teach on November 16, 2009 at 11:53am
The Story of the Taoist Farmer

This farmer had only one horse, and one day the horse ran away. The neighbors came to condole over his terrible loss. The farmer said, "What makes you think it is so terrible?"

A month later, the horse came home--this time bringing with her two beautiful wild horses. The neighbors became excited at the farmer's good fortune. Such lovely strong horses! The farmer said, "What makes you think this is good fortune?"

The farmer's son was thrown from one of the wild horses and broke his leg. All the neighbors were very distressed. Such bad luck! The farmer said, "What makes you think it is bad?"

A war came, and every able-bodied man was conscripted and sent into battle. Only the farmer's son, because he had a broken leg, remained. The neighbors congratulated the farmer. "What makes you think this is good?" said the farmer.
Comment by Johnny on November 16, 2009 at 11:42am
Once upon a time, there was a theist that preached intolerance, voted for oppressing the rights of homosexuals, taught people that they were trash without the forgiveness of a supernatural entity, and censored the opinions of the opposition because they were so sure that they were right.

The omni-benevolent god smiled on this and granted him eternal life while the people that he oppressed burned in the fires of hell forever. All was right and good in the universe.

The End

(simultaneously a comedy and a tragedy)

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