OK. I am venting. My mother died two weeks ago. She was a “god fearing christian.” Before her death she refused all medical treatment. She wanted to be left alone. She even refused to speak with my brother who is a methodist minister. He is a pip, let me tell you! I suspect she did not believe, but a woman born in her time could not and did not state her actual beliefs. This is the opening salvo to all christians; FUCK YOU! I had so many people come and tell me to pray for my mother. I had so many people come and tell me, “god called her home.”  I truly want their god to call them home!

We are in the middle of a drought where I live. So many people tell me they are praying for rain. My question to them is, “why should I pray to a god that (and I use the word ‘that’ because that is what it is) supposedly knows what we already need? Punish them for “my” creation. Every time I present the, “if your god is so knowing and all powerful, why do we need to pray to it at all for what it already knows what we need?” I get the same, tired, circular argument bullshit that we do not understand “his ways.” I tell them that their god is a self righteous pissant who craves attention; a kid with a magnifying glass over an ant bed. They play the “god works in mysterious ways” card every time. How do you conduct an intelligent argument with these brainwashed lunatics? “It is god’s wish, god has a plan, god is testing our faith.” I say your god needs a good old fashioned ass-kicking! The spoiled brat!

My family does not know (they suspect) that I am an atheist. Now that my mother is dead, I do not think there is much left to hold me back. My mother and I used to have very good discussions about god and jebus. She always played the “cover your base” card. I told her that an eternity with christains, muslims, and all the other religions I can think of (including wiccans) would be a hell. “Lights out” like turning Data from Star trek off is my idea of heaven; existence ends! Give my body to the coyotes. Fortunately, my wife feels the same way. Atheist Nexus is the safest place I know to vent. Thank you for letting me do just that.             

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Comment by Larry Taylor on May 21, 2013 at 10:25pm

Loren, both my wife and I decided a long time ago that we would have no memorial. Our wish (in writing and notarized) is to be cremated and scattered over the place of our choosing. Right now, it appears we will be fertilizing our vegetable garden troughs that surround our house.

TCS thank you for your Lou Gehrig's disease comment. Great!    

Comment by Michael Penn on May 21, 2013 at 1:53pm

Adding to this again, when I lived in Texas a friend's wife died. He knew she would die from her ailment when he married her, but their love won out and they married anyway. I chose to visit her privately and sign the book while nobody was at the funeral home. My friend came in and caught me there. I explained that in bad times like this many people, meaning well, would say damned stupid things and inside you just wanted to choke them to death! My friend started crying and just hugged me. We both stood there crying and hugging for a few minutes.

Your loved one has passed away and you have a right to your feelings without any stupid religious bullshit! Even if you call it a rant or a rave, this is all normal. People need to be more sensitive to other people and not "pie in the sky."

Comment by Loren Miller on May 21, 2013 at 1:37pm

I'm with you, TCS.  A LOT of people may "mean well," but if they fail to empathize with whoever they're dealing with, ultimately, you get situations like the one you described in your previous comment and not far off of what Larry experienced.  I don't particularly expect believers to even be able to empathize with an atheist, which is why I made my statement about what I wanted at a memorial ceremony for me.

Believers blather on about their belief in these circumstances because they assume (there's that word again) that EVERYONE believes the same as they do ... and as I have said multiple times, it is past time they were disabused of this mistaken notion.

Comment by Two Cult Survivor on May 21, 2013 at 1:17pm

There's a part of me that coulc not care less whether these people "meant well." The executioners of the Inquisition "meant well." Doesn't make what they did any less atrocious.

Granted, telling Larry that mom's in a better place, or telling me that my sister was comforted with thoughts of eternal life, is not the same as torturing someone at the stake for thinking "take, eat, this is my body" is a metaphor. Still, I'm not comforted in the knowledge that they "meant well." Meaning well does not give you the license to retreat into your fantasy and attempt to rope me into it. I was fooled by this nonsense for 40 years and I'm over it. As far as I see it, theism has earned my contempt, and I have earned the right to hold it in contempt after all the damage it did to my development and psyche.

Comment by Larry Taylor on May 21, 2013 at 1:11pm

Thank you for your well wishes. I do apologize for my rant. I have been told by friends that I am usually laid back about most things. I just had to vent. And I am usually not so colorful with my words, HA!

By the way Sentient Biped, my wife and I do live way up in the mountains above Albuquerque without very many many neighbors. So I get a lot of nature. Once again, thank you for letting me rant. Best to all on AN!

Comment by Loren Miller on May 21, 2013 at 11:23am

First of all, my condolences for your loss, Larry.  It sounds very much like you and she had a substantial connection, and that is not something one loses easily.

Secondly, TCS, you have just inspired me.  I am giving serious consideration to draft a document stating my wishes regarding any memorial or other ceremony associated with my death.  There are certain pieces of music I would like to have played and an attitude of celebration rather than mourning associated with the event, but more importantly, I want it understood that the person being eulogized Was An Atheist.  Any attempt to associate me with belief in a deity of any form will not be taken well by my representative at that event.  Indeed, my preference would be to have such a person immediately removed from that site with instructions NOT to return.

Am I being a hammer-ass in making those stipulations?  Honestly, I DON'T CARE!  If someone wants to commemorate my life after I die, they can do so honestly or not bother!

Comment by Two Cult Survivor on May 21, 2013 at 11:07am

My sister died last year from Lou Gehrig's Disease (which pissed her off because she hated catching a disease from someone she never f---ed).

THAT was my sister, understand? She was a beautiful, life-loving, potty-mouthed extrovert who raised hundreds of thousands of dollars for cancer research and was named Woman of the Year by her community in New Jersey. She was a big deal with an enormous heart, and a blunt, profane, walking testament to the existence of hilarity.

Two family members gave the eulogy. Both were religious in their way, but one resonated while the other nauseated. My cousin talked about how, in the Bible, "faith without works is dead," and paid tribute to all the good things my sister did. He talked about her legacy, the causes she embraced and promoted, the good she did reflected in the enormous crowd that gathered to pay final respects. Then my brother spoke. He said NOT ONE WORD about our sister's life. Just some claptrap about her alleged concern for her eternal destiny and how he was so confident that she had eternal life because she embraced the lordship of Jesus Christ. Oh, and by the way, we can have that same assurance by accepting Jesus as Lord, because God gave His only-begotten son blah blah blah.

I was seething. I could have throttled him right there. Here we are, celebrating the woman's life and mourning her loss, only to be lectured to by some pompous, holier-than-thou know-it-all singing the praises of a God who, by the way, did NOTHING while my healthy and vibrant sister rotted in her own non-responsive body for five years before drowning, mercilessly, in her own bodily fluids just so He could have another damned rose petal in heaven.

I guess what I'm saying is, I know the pain of your loss, and the frustration of having to tolerate the garbage spewed in the name of comfort from those who think an impotent totalitarian is really an Almighty friend. My condolences for your loss, and my condolences for having to endure the ill-mannered attempts at comfort that you've had to endure.

Comment by Gwaithmir on May 21, 2013 at 8:44am

I know how you feel, Larry. My dad died in 2003. He had sold our family business about three years earlier, although I continued to work for the new owner. A couple of days after the funeral the boss stopped by my work area to offer his "condolences." Despite the fact that he knew I was an atheist, he said, "I know how you feel about religion. Nevertheless, your father is now in a better place." I continued with my work as if I hadn't heard him. My thought, however, was, "He's now in a box in the ground, you twit!"

Comment by Richard C Brown on May 21, 2013 at 7:59am

Thanks for the post.I want you to know your not alone in thoughts.My worst experience at Family members funerals has been altar calls."Soul Saving".

Comment by Steph S. on May 21, 2013 at 7:50am
Sorry to hear of your loss. Condolences. You are in our thoughts.

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