So today is my dad's birthday. He is deceased (died the day after obama was elected). I have sat and thought about him quite a bit and have enjoyed my thoughts. Have I cried?? Certainly...I do miss him!! I am human for "god's sake"!! But I love how my christian family members have two responses to this...1-Why are you crying?? 2-Let's just pretend he never even existed...I love how my dad was the most faithful tither I knew..and he died of cancer. How many times do you have to tithe before you get a "get out of cancer free" card? The hypocrisy and lack of humanness in the "body of christ" never ceases to amaze me...too much.

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Comment by Kimberlee Williams on September 3, 2011 at 6:19pm
I'm sorry.  I have taken so long to respond to this because I got emotional reading your post, so I ran from it.  My dad loved me because I was the kid that gave my parents the least amount of trouble.  I was the most obedient kid on the planet.  Towards the end of his life, when he heard that I was a lesbian, he distanced himself from me and told me that all of my problems were due to the fact that god was punishing me because I was a lesbian.  When he was living, I had not yet figured out that I was an atheist.  Yes, my family does not discuss my dad's passing and my mom ignores my process saying that I'm dramatic.  However, a week ago, my younger sister called me and openly for the first time in three years, talked about dad and his passing.  It was amazing.  So maybe things can change.
Comment by Brian George on August 23, 2011 at 7:25pm

That is most definitely the definition of insanity. I think the reason that it is usually disregarded in religious circles is that they've been taught to disregard critical thinking when it comes to religion.

They're taught that faith is the answer for all that cannot be explained or when confronted with that which contradicts their belief system. Logic and common sense need not apply. I saw a quote on another post here that fits perfectly "If you could reason with religious people, there wouldn't be any".

I've tried to argue the hipocracy of religion in general (the all loving god that allows bad things to happen when he has the power to intervene or prevent) and of the followers themselves (those who have divorced, cheated, lied, stolen, etc) but you always get the same crap...Sins will be forgiven, god gave us free will, the devil does the bad things, and on and on. As Dawkins is fond of pointing out, they're very good at counting the hits and ignoring the misses.

Were you and your dad close, or did your difference in beliefs put up a barrier between you two? It sounds like there is a little bit of a divide between you and your family. I'm getting that they're uncomfortable talking about your dads passing and that they use the "out of sight, out of mind" approach to grieving. I know I talk to my wife all the time about my dad when little things pop up and remind me of him. It would be much harder for me if I didn't have someone to talk to about those memories when I need to.

Comment by Kimberlee Williams on August 22, 2011 at 10:14pm
@Brian-absolutely...I'm so sorry to hear all of this. It really is people like us that help each other get thru the ups and downs of life. my mom says "doing the same thing and expecting different results is insanity" (she is super religious)....but why does this saying never apply to religion??? or faith???
Comment by Brian George on August 22, 2011 at 9:33pm

My father passed away in the spring of 2008 and I still have times when it gets me down. I don't know how deep my dads faith ran, but he never blinked an eye or said a cross word when he found out I was an atheist. He respected my decision on what I chose to believe or not believe.

 

2008 was also the year we found out my wife had breast cancer. In 2010 she had a thyroidectomy / parathyroidectomy (Hoshimodo's disease) and this past spring she had a heart attack. My 20 yr old daughter developed Ulcerative Colitis and had to have her large intestine removed. My family is all to familiar with the "all loving god".

Comment by Kimberlee Williams on August 22, 2011 at 7:02pm
@Christian Free thinker-I appreciate the laugh...that is certainly hypocrisy and is not one bit funny....yup that sounds like the same god that sits by and lets the children in africa die with this famine going on..for what reason?? who knows...or then the fact that he was laid off due to the recession lol... @ Sentient-I'm so sorry to hear this. I definitely agree that by his example he would want me to be happy. I understand what you mean by not being able to look at those things that he carved of wood. I was unable to watch a video of my dad alive for the last 2 and a half years and finally decided to watch it yesterday on his birthday and the irony of it all was that it was only a three minute clip of him alive sitting at a table eating but THIS time I noticed him saying "grace" over the food before he ate LOL!!! We will continue to heal together. I'm here if you ever wanna vent or share.
Comment by Sentient Biped on August 22, 2011 at 8:58am

Kimberlee, sorry you are still grieving.  And I understand it.  My dad died a year ago.  He used to make wood carvings of animals, and I had them all around the house - I was proud to show them off.  I had to put them into a box and put them in the basement, I still can't look at them.  I still wonder if he approved of me, I don't know.  My mom died in May this year, but after a long time with severe Alzheimer's and despite now having closure it isn't better. 

 

Of course, they went through this when they lost their parents too.  They never talked about it, and faith was so private in my family Im not sure what they believed in their deepest thoughts.  They would both want me to be happy.  

 

Your dad would want you to be happy too, and remember the things that you enjoyed, and be glad that you had those times.

 

Tithing for sure won't make you cancer free.  A tithe to family or community in the form of creating a school fund or something similar would be better.

 

Comment by Kimberlee Williams on August 22, 2011 at 12:19am
Hey Steph,

I'd love to hear some of your experiences. Thanks for understanding. It's good to hear from you again too. I look forward to hearing your stories.

Kim
Comment by Steph S. on August 21, 2011 at 9:05pm
Hi Kimberlee, it's nice to hear from you again.  Sorry to hear about the hypocrisy and lack of compassion in your family of believers.  I have to deal with the hypocrisy in my believer family too, so I understand.

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