Commit a crime? Plead religion!

AN: I wrote an advertisement for the religious plea in the voice of a lawyer or something. My cynicism glad was about to burst, so I had to write this. Of course, it can also be read and commented upon at Good reason News.

Have you committed a crime, but now the courts want to punish you? How dare they!? Maybe it's time YOU try pleading religion. It's better than the insanity plea, cause you have to prove you're insane. Pleading religion requires no justification or reason, it's the perfect defense. It's so effective, even that pesky U.S. court system can't stop it. Look, just yesterday Carl Worthington who killed his adorable 15-month-old child got a mere 60 day sentence., No, that's not a typo, it's really 60 days. See, the baby developed

pneumonia and a blood infection, complicated by an untreated cyst on her neck that affected her breathing.

A simple doctor's visit could have put her on the road to wellsville, but you know health care is so darned expensive these days, maybe Jesus can help.

Now, usually parents who are so irresponsible that they kill their children are punished far more severely, but these people have a 5-year-old they haven't killed yet, so the courts decided to give them a go at that one? Why? They plead religion!

But perhaps child murder ain't your bag. If you're into animal torture, but don't have the NFL's legal team, the religion plea will still be there for you.

A federal appeals court reversed a lower court's ruling on Friday that barred a Santeria priest from sacrificing goats in his Texas home, saying a city's decision to prohibit the ritual violated the man's religious rights.

Talk about a scapegoat! Even after murdering furry little creators in his home for no good purpose and without any health regulations, Jose Merced of Texas plead religious and was simply asked to not do it again. But with religion on your side, why that's not even good enough. Merced simply visited a higher court and now he can reenact Texas Chainsaw Massacre with goats playing the innocent campers all day long!

Yes, with religion in America, you can get away with just about anything. Whether you like molesting children, setting fires and, soon, selling black market organs! Pleading religion, try it for your insanely inhumane crime today!