Before I write my first post here I would like to make a quick introduction. I am a teenage, mostly closeted atheist. I have been an atheist since 8th grade and I am currently over halfway through high school. I would love to say more, but I don't want to make it too obvious who I am.
Recently I have been finding myself thinking much less about religion when others bring it up, and I call myself a christian without even thinking about it at all. Recently a person told me they believed in a different religion than Christianity and I didn't even think about what they said. In fact I didn't even realize what he had said until later on when my friend confronted me about my nonchalant response... That was awkward to say the least.
At this point I can go to church and leave not knowing a single thing about the sermon, topic, devotions, or anything else other than hanging out with friends afterwards. In a way this is nice because honestly I don't mind going to church because it gives me time to take a break from thinking. I simply follow the routine of the morning without putting any thought into it.
Sometimes I snap out of this numbness and take some time to think about what the people around me are saying and think about what they think I believe. This is when I feel stupid about going on with the normal routine, and I want to say something to make people realize what I hear when they say something that may sound completely normal to them, but to me sounds incredibly ignorant... I usually do say something at times like this, but it's usually something to get people thinking, and every now and then it will get people worrying about my spiritual health. Of course I immediately go back to denying it and I feel just as stupid as ever.
I often want to come out of the closet about my atheism, but I feel like I have too much to lose at this point between my job (which I love), relationships, and the church community which despite my beliefs I have always loved to be a part of. I know I will have to say it at some point, but I feel like I'll be better off waiting until I'm in college to be open about it.
Can anyone relate to being completely numb to beliefs and religious differences?