Steph, I was just thinking about that piece.  All Barbara did was read the Bible and use a  magic marker on all the stupid and/or crazy quotations.  It’s beautiful in its simplicity.

Here’s a favorite of mine I was thinking about:

 

Deut. 25:11,12 - A woman who seizes a man's genitals, even to defend her husband from an attacker, must have her hand cut off.

 

What weird, sick mentality could come up with a moral directive like the above?  Let me get this straight, I asked my self.  My wife and I are sitting by the fireplace enjoying the pleasures of connubial life, when the door opens and some intruder, some guttersnipe, barges in. 

You, being closer to the door, bravely jump up to confront the trespasser and by accident in the heat of the turmoil, happen to grab his dick!  I then jump up and hit the blackguard with a frying pan that just happens to be handy to fry hot dogs in the fireplace. 

Knocked out cold, we blow the whistle; the authorities come and carry the malefactor off to jail (if he’s lucky).  

But then, by the Bible’s direction (it’s the word of God, you know, so I must obey) I sadly say, “Sorry, my dear, but Deuteronomy 25: 11,12 commands me to chop your hand off at the wrist so you won’t be able to grab any more dicks, (and if it were a big one, schlongs.  Yiddish can be handy sometime.) 

No wonder human history is so screwed up.  There’s no moral guide other that this Biblical horseshit.

Here’s another beauty.  It’s fun to quote some of this stuff to believers just to see their face.  Let’s say you’re at work and you happen to have a lady boss.  The kind that wears a crucifix around her neck on the job.  So you mess up and she comes running over to berate and scold you for dropping French fries on the floor.  Hit her with this one:

1 Tim. 2:11-14 - A woman must not teach, or hold authority over a man, but must "learn in silence with all subjection," because "Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression."

If anyone would like to read Barbara’s entire compilation, it’s the epilogue to Mirror Reversal.  Click on the “Atheist Novel” to the right.  It’s worth five bucks just to read the entire list.  It doesn’t get any funnier and crazier than this.  Albert Camus had it right, “The world is surreal.”

 

 

 

Views: 176

Tags: Barbara, G., Goscicki, Walker, biblical, compilation, endmeme

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Comment by Richard Goscicki on January 6, 2013 at 12:47am

Atty: And you testified earlier that a four year old is retarded if he believes what adults say?

R.G.: (to himself: Uh oh.) ...I did.

Atty: Congratulations on your recovery, Mr. G. Your Honor, I rest my case. 

THIS IS A MUCH BETTER ENDING

Atty: And you testified earlier that a four year old is retarded if he believes what adults say?

R.G. (to himself:  Is he kidding? No wonder they’re so many lawyer jokes.)  I said verbatim, “Tom, so I suppose when you were four years old, your parents told you Eve was created by God from Adam's rib and you believed it.  To me that's retarded, even at four.” 

There must be a Latin phrase for the logical hocus-pocus you just attempted.  I didn’t say it’s retarded to believe everything parents tell you, just to believe orthodox boogety-boo.  Plus, I said “to me” it was.

 

Otherwise, very good, Tom.  Fun stuff.   Are you familiar with Barbara Walker’s book that we’re discussing?  Man Made God.

Barbara’s a pretty close friend of mine and we have a lot of fun with this stuff.  Catch the review I wrote for her book on Amazon.  Got a lot or reads and they placed it first.  It relates to the school issues above. 

A Must-Read for Every Kid in Catholic High School,

By 

Richard J. Goscicki

Do you live in Florida?  We're in Sarasota. 

Comment by Tom Sarbeck on January 5, 2013 at 10:46pm

Richard, in another life I went to law school, became a prosecuting attorney, and did cross-examinations. I retired and began writing law-based novels. Here are a few lines from one I wrote.

Atty: Mr. Goscicki, you said you went to St. Anthony’s of Padua in Brooklyn and thought St. Anthony must have been a great man to have a school named after him. How old were you when you thought that?

R.G.: Let's see, I started school when I was five, and I think it was my third grade teacher who said St. Anthony was a great man.

Atty: So you would have been seven when you thought that?

R.G.: That sounds about right.

Atty: Did any school official say you were retarded?

R.G.: No! Of course not!

Atty: Then you recovered?

R.G.: What kind of question is that? Your Honor, I plead the Fifth Amendment.

Judge: For what reason?

R.G.: Answering either yes or no entraps me.

Judge to Atty: Rephrase your question.

Atty: Mr G., You said that at seven you thought St. Anthony was a great man, didn't you?

R.G.: I did say that.

Atty: And you testified earlier that a four year old is retarded if he believes what adults say?

R.G.: (to himself: Uh oh.) ...I did.

Atty: Congratulations on your recovery, Mr. G. Your Honor, I rest my case.

The End

Richard, did you suspend your disbelief?

Comment by Richard Goscicki on January 5, 2013 at 8:35am

I heard it in Catholic schools

Tell me about it.  I went to St. Anthony’s of Padua in Brooklyn.  When I was a kid I thought he must have been a great man to have a school named after him, then I read Barbara’s book and found out he was a hard-core, sadistic misogynist that thought women were the children of the devil put here to lead men from God.

I'm not persuaded to suspend my disbelief. But your fiction is short so I read it.

Click on the ad at the right and you’ll suspend belief, all right.  My poor heroine plunges from a respected, modest college professor to a low-life night club stripper and eventually night walking street whore. 

All by mistake.  But I make it pretty plausible how it happened. 

 

 

 

 

Comment by Tom Sarbeck on January 5, 2013 at 5:04am

Richard, I'm not persuaded to suspend my disbelief. But your fiction is short so I read it.

My parents didn't tell me that. I heard it in Catholic schools.

Comment by Richard Goscicki on January 4, 2013 at 11:13am

Tom, so I suppose when you were four years old, your parents told you Eve was created by God from Adam's rib and you believed it.  To me that's retarded, even at four. 

Comment by Tom Sarbeck on January 4, 2013 at 5:21am

Richard, fiction writers invent stuff too but their readers agree to suspend their disbelief.

A fiction writer who makes belief suspension impossible will have no readers.

In plain words, there has to be some truth in fiction.

A definition for humor tells speakers/writers how to do it: build toward an expected end and, without warning, take it away and put an unexpected end in its place.

Use care; too much surprise will stir fear, not laughter.

Comment by Richard Goscicki on January 4, 2013 at 3:16am

Tom, that was just a try at a joke.  I thought it would be funny to picture Hindu parents trying to explain to their four year old that he/she is an untouchable.  If the kid were me, I'd say, it's a fine belief system as long as I get to be the Brahman.  That's the joke. 

Comment by Tom Sarbeck on January 4, 2013 at 1:11am

Adding to the below post: "The Moral Judgement of Children" by Jean Piaget.

Comment by Tom Sarbeck on January 4, 2013 at 1:08am

Richard, a bit of bragging?

People who study child development have reported (as in The Moral Judgement of Children) that four-year-olds accept what their elders say.

Comment by Richard Goscicki on January 3, 2013 at 4:14pm

Hey Steph.  I’m still trying to figure out your latest comment.  About the Timothy.

The way I see it, whenever you started to say something, or tell them something, somebody came running over and insisted:  A woman must not teach, or hold authority over a man, but must "learn in silence with all subjection.

I’m trying to picture somebody telling me that if I were a lady.  For sure I’d say, “would you run that by me again, please.”  Then I believe that question would be succeeded with an avalanche of most vile imprecations, including the F word.  (Which I very rarely use.)

Here’s a good one:  Let’s say I’m born a Hindu in some rural village in India.  So I’m growing up and at a very young age, say four or five, my parents start telling me about the caste system.  They tell me I’m untouchable, and worse than that, I’m “an untouchable” permanently because I was born that way. Nothing I do can change that.  I’ll never grow out of it.

Even as a four year old I’m pretty sure what I’d say.  That’s fine, Pop, only I prefer to be of the Brahman class and you be the fucking untouchable, OK?  That’ll work.

 

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