Ahh, the JOYS of Mothering a Teenage Girl ...

She's 14 and she snuck into a night club on Friday night with another little friend.

First she lied to me and said that she was gonna spend the night at the friend's house. So I called to check up on her and she was clearly at a party with a lot of kids yelling in the background. I asked to talk to her friend's mother and she handed the phone to a teenage boy who tried to fake a grown man's voice and tell me that he was the other girl's father. When I asked for the address to pick her up the next morning, he didn't know it! I got the address of their home, and sent Daniel over to check things out - of course, no one was home!

Then we both tried to get her on her cell, and she turned off her phone for a few hours. I left her some nasty messages on her cell and on her MySpace page.

We got her home at about 10:00 and I can't tell if she was taking Extasy or not. She had this HUGE smile on her face and she hid in her room for the rest of the night, but we couldn't smell pot or booze.

I can barely bring my self to look at her, and we still haven't sat her down for her punishment, which will be horrid.

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Tags: parenting, teens

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Comment by Natalie on March 15, 2009 at 1:26am
My daughter is about to turn 12 in a few months. We have always butted heads and I am NOT looking forward to her teen years. If it is supposed to get worse before it gets better, I think I'm going to go grey early!!! Just to let you know, tho....(and not to scare you too much...) Kids are never "too young" to be experimenting with drugs. All it takes is a little peer pressure no matter how intelligent they are. All we can hope for is for them to make the right decision when the time comes.
Comment by Rosemary LYNDALL WEMM on January 19, 2009 at 12:50am
the possiblity of using any kind of drugs as a weapon of defiance or merit badge for freedom from parental brutality :-) that the main reason why kids engage in risky substance abuse behaviour will be undermined.

I guess we will just have to wait and see whether these strategies work as well on him as they did on us.
Comment by Rosemary LYNDALL WEMM on January 19, 2009 at 12:46am
My husband was privy to an excellent school-based drug education program. No-one in the class was told not to take or experiment with drugs and no-one was told that all illegal drugs were absolutely evil and bad.

What he got was a realistic description of what is/was available plus the kind of stuff you get about a new drug from the better pharmacies. The class was informed about why someone might want to take the drug, what range of effects they could expect, both good and bad. The concept of doses compared with body weight was explained and so were the problems of drug interactions with things as mundane as water and excercise.

The result was a well-informed class who did not view drugs, either legal or illegal, as some kind of risky forbidden fun which made them feel deliciously defiant or as something which had no use when prescribed and monitored by a qualified medical practitioner.

Our son gets no such program here in the US so we are doing the best we can at home. Drug education is low key, matter of fact and open. He knows which drugs are likely to cause him the most harm if mixed with his medication and his mental disabilities (ADHD and Aspbergers) and he has some strategies for coping if someone slips him something. The "legal" drugs of alcohol and tobacoo are treated in the same way. We tell him that if he wants to experiment that he should do so in a "safe" environment and that we might even offer to help. We emphasize that the crime to be avoided is to take stupid risks that could harm himself, his friends or his family. We tell him that we would be worried if he took silly risks and that we hope he is will demonstrate his increasing maturity by acting responsibly even if those around him are not. We tell him that if he does get sucked into doing something risky that we would help him with the consequences before we say "I told you so" - unless he miscalculates and ends up dead or brain dead.

He hope that by taking the mystery away and taking away
Comment by o on December 22, 2008 at 10:05am
Hi! I just came across this thread and thought I might offer my dos pesos. I began using drugs and drinking when I was 14. By then I had become pretty adept at lying to my folks already. There was no trust whatsoever in our home. I had learned by then that if I wanted to do *anything* I had to lie and lie well. I had elaborate mechanisms in place to cover my tracks and provide alibis. My best friend, on the other hand, had something different. She had a mom that knew that teens will be teens and her only rule was: if you are going to drink or do drugs--you do them here at home. She didn't like it...she didn't do it with us...but she always knew exactly where her kids were and that was her safe home. Two very different extremes. My best friend and I both survived...unscathed...and we did some pretty serious shit. Today, we both have pretty good relationships with our folks. I think Andrew's question is right on target: what is she trying to achieve? I lied because I was trying to achieve some control over how I lived my life. My friend was interested in the way drugs and alcohol affected the creative process and interpersonal relationships. I used drugs to numb pain. Once you understand where your daughter is coming from maybe you will gain insight as to how to respond. Just consider that the two extremes, in my experience, tight control vs. total freedom, produced the same end results.

I've got a 16 year old son that I am relieved to say causes me no worry. But my 8 year old daughter will certainly test all my theories in a few years. :)
Comment by Laura Ross on December 15, 2008 at 7:39pm
Sympathy! And many hugs!
Comment by Fr33think3r on December 15, 2008 at 5:12am
I think I want my girls seeing boys like Michael.
Comment by Фелч Гроган on December 15, 2008 at 3:33am
Cowpunk - feel free to show her my commentary on drug use above. It may cause a rethink for her. I don't think I said anything positive about drugs - street drugs now are like playing Russian roullette.
Comment by HotMess on December 14, 2008 at 11:51pm
thanks Freethinker; I posted an article about changes in the adolescent brain in the "parenting little heathens group" and these teen years are very egocentric, just like the toddler years; only this time aroung maybe they need to be MADE to think about others.
Thanks again, felch: I'm doing my reading and she seemed "euphoric" when she got home, but ugh, she's only 14 and too young to be experimenting with drugs.
Comment by Andrew on December 14, 2008 at 11:49pm
It's likely that she is now in the confines of a photo album and numerous fantastic memories, at least until she is 18. Since she probably hasn't read a guidebook to teenage life and independence she is probably nervously trying to find her way to a state of self reliance while trying to fit in with her friends.

From your observations of her and her friends where do you think she may be? What is she trying to achieve?
Comment by Фелч Гроган on December 14, 2008 at 11:19pm
Oh, and I need to know more about the signs of X intoxication ...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extacy

Mind you, while allegedly, extacy is MDMA, what gets sold on the streets is not pure MDMA - it is a random witches brew of various isomers of MDMA and amphetamine, so side effects may vary. Pure MDMA has nowhere near the effect of that which is sold on the streets.

It is the one drug I refuse to try because of this - I have done absolutely everything else (except peyote - lack of availability, but I will one day). Being a chemist by training, there is absolutely no way of knowing what your gonna end up with in a backyard extacy kitchen. This is why drug laws are stupid -

a) absolutely no quality control

c) deliberate isomerisation of existing illegal drugs to create technically legal ones for which legislation may not sufficient to prosecute. Think ice / crystal meth. Each of these new isomers is inavariably more harmful than the last.

You can thank your "War on Drugs" for all of this.

At least the hippies had a whole lot of highly qualified chemists running their kitchens. This is no nlonger the case, and the corpses keep piling up and the prisons keep overflowing.

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