When I was about 12 years old I came to the realization that god was not real. As I stare into the picture of the virgin Mary it occurred to me, why do i have to do this(pray before her)? He might not even exist? When I came to this conclusion I felt it necessary to share it with my parents. There response was to send me to church more often...thinking that all I needed was "Jesus in my life", this, it turned out made me an atheist. When I was about 16 however I could contain it no longer, I openly admitted to not believing in god. If you had asked I could not have told you why, but something just didn't feel right with this god character. I knew that when something is "not" ok to talk about then it must have some degree of truth. This lead me to do hours upon hours of independent research about god, Jesus, and life. Although I was ashamed of not believing in god since my family acted as if something was wrong with me or that I didn't know what they knew, it had always made me afraid to speak out. I'm 18 now and I fully understand my lack of a belief and others on a daily basis feel uncomfortable with my willingness to talk and criticize there religious belief.For Example, a man walked up to my fiance and I when were leaving Jason's Deli, he presented me with a paper saying how his organization was helping drug attics, and former gang members find there way in society. I really did like his idea, but... the way this came about was not rehabilitation but to find Jesus! I gave him back his paper and told him that "sorry I do not agree with or believe in Jesus". In a split second he turned on me as though I was the devil himself, he was shouting about how Christ died on the cross for you(me) and he asked "well how did we get here". My response was that we came from our mothers, from them we came from biological evolution, from that we cam from dead stars, and from that we came from the singularity that expanded into what our universe is today. He then told me that science wasn't real and that god made everything. I turned away telling him to "fuck off you stupid asshole", as he was walking away I could not help laughing at his expression on his face when I said that I did not believe in Jesus Christ. I'm a Agnostic Atheist and I would love to hear your story...

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Comment by Bailey Laird on February 10, 2009 at 10:14pm
I loved your blog babe! That crazy guy the other day was funny!
Comment by Mike Haynes on February 10, 2009 at 8:12pm
It took me a lot longer to finally come to terms with my non-belief. I grew up in a Baptist family and remember as a child wondering, "How do we know that we've got it right when other religions say that their way is the right way with just as much faith as we have?" and "Why would god burn people in Hell if he loves us?"
Of course I was always told that it was wrong to question god. So I lived in confusion and fear through most of my growing years.

In my early twenties I finally asked myself, "What if I didn't have this fear? Would I still follow this stuff?" The answer was "No!". I became a Deist at that point and decided that I would find the truth. I tried various alternatives in Paganism and New Age ideas, but never found a satisfying answer.

Finally, a few years ago (I'm 45 now) my wife and I started attending a Unitarian Universalist church. They have no creed and welcome all beliefs. Here I thought I would find my answer. I revisited Paganism, New Age, and Buddhism, but nothing gave me any solid answers. Then I read Bertrand Russel's "Why I am not a Christian" (from the minister's library).

I finally realized that I had the answer all along! There is no god, at least not one that we can identify. I am now satisfied with my non-belief and still attend the "church" that helped me come to terms with it.

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