A Compilation of Biblical Nonsense by Barbara G. Walker

 

BIBLE MORALITY (compiled by Barbara Walker, author of Man Made God.)

Barbara asked me to add that this is from the King James Bible, as modern-day evangelicals have expurgated much of the really stupid and hostile quotations. 

This compilation is incontrovertible, conspicuous proof that the Bible is a book written by idiots for idiots. 

Read on, I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.  As always, comments are encouraged and welcome. 

Rich

 

1. KILLING.  (As in "Thou shalt not"???)

          The biblical god personally kills a total of 371,186 people, not counting his slaughter of every living thing in Genesis 7.   The biblical god also orders the killing of a total of 1,862,265.

Gen. 22:2 - God accepts human sacrifices (including that of Jesus, later).

Ex. 12:29 - God kills all the firstborn in the land of Egypt.

Ex. 15:3 - God is a god of war.

Ex. 21:15,17 - Anyone who strikes or curses a parent must be killed.

Ex. 22:18 - Every witch must be killed.

Ex. 22:19,20 - You must kill anyone who "lieth with a beast," or who

          worships any god other than Yahweh.

Ex. 31:15 - Anyone who works on the Sabbath must be killed.

Lev. 20:10,13,27 - You must kill adulterers, homosexuals, wizards, and

          spirit mediums.

Lev. 21:9 - Any priest's daughter who fornicates must be burned alive.

Lev. 24:16 - Blasphemers must be killed.

Deut. 3:4 - God is pleased that his warriors destroyed 60 cities.

Deut. 7:16 - You must kill all the people God delivers into your hands, and

          "thine eye shall have no pity upon them."

Deut. 13:5 - Any prophet or "dreamer of dreams," who serves another

          god, must be killed.

Deut. 13:6-9 - If your brother, son, daughter, wife, or friend tempts you to

          worship other gods, "thou shalt surely kill him."

Deut. 13:15 - If the people of any city worship other gods, you must

          slaughter them all, including their cattle.

Deut. 17:5 - Any man or woman who worships other deities of sun, moon,

           or stars must be stoned to death.

Deut. 18:20 - False prophets must be killed.

Deut. 20:16,17 - God commands complete destruction of all Hittites,

          Amorites, Canaanites, Perizzites, Hivites, and Jebusites, and "thou

          shalt save alive nothing that breatheth."

Deut. 22:21 - A bride found not to be a virgin must be stoned to death.

Deut. 22:22 - Adulterers must be killed,

Deut. 22: 23,24 - A girl who is raped within city limits, and fails to cry out,

          must be killed.

Deut. 28:22-27 - If you don't obey God's commandments, he will punish

          you with consumption, fever, extreme burning, blasting, mildew,

          hemorrhoids, the scab, the itch, the botch of Egypt, etc., etc.

Josh. 6:21 - God's warriors destroyed Jericho and killed every man,

          woman, child, and domestic animal.

Josh. 8:25 - God's warriors killed 12,000 people in the city of Ai.

Josh. 19:47 - The children of Dan wanted more room, so they destroyed

          the whole population of Leshen and took their territory.

Judges 1:17,18 - Judah and Simeon utterly destroyed the populations of

          Zephath, Gaza, Askelon and Ekron.

Judges 11:39 - In accord with God's law, Jephthah was forced to burn his         virgin daughter to death as a sacrifice.

Judges 15:15 - God enables Samson to kill 1,000 men with the jawbone

          of an ass.

Judges 20:46 - At Gibeah, Benjamin's men killed 25,000 people and

          burned every town.

1 Sam. 6:19 - God kills 50,070 people for trying to peek into the Ark.

1 Sam. 15:3 - God commands the destruction of Amalek: "Slay both men

          and women, infant and suckling, ox and sheep, camel and ass."

2 Sam. 6:7 - God kills Uzzah for touching the Ark, even though he was

          trying to save it from falling off its oxcart.

1 Kings 18:40 - God commands the slaughter of "prophets of Baal".

1 Kings 20:35 -  Because a man didn't "obey the voice of the Lord," a lion

          was sent to kill him.

2 Kings 2:24 - God sent bears to tear apart 42 children for making fun of

`        Elisha's bald head.

2 Kings 10:25 - God commands the killing of a multitude in the temple of

          Baal.

2 Kings 19:35 - God's angel killed 185,000 Assyrians in a single night.

1 Chron. 21:14 - God kills 70,000 Israelites with a pestilence.

2 Chron. 15:13 - Any man or woman who refuses to "seek the Lord God

          of Israel" must be killed.

Job 1 - God arranges the killing of Job's children, servants, and animals.

Isa. 13:16 - God promises that all the Babylonians' children will be

          "dashed to pieces before their eyes;" their wives will be raped.

Isa. 46:7 - God says "I create evil."

Jer. 48:10 - Killing for God is mandatory; God curses anyone who

          "keepeth back his sword from blood."

Jer. 50:21 - God commands that the people of Merathaim and Pekod be

          "utterly destroyed."

Ezek. 9:5,6,7 - God calls for purging in Jerusalem: "let not your eye spare,

          neither have ye pity: slay utterly old and young, both maids and

          little children, and women... fill the courts with the slain."

Ezek. 35:8 - God promises to fill the mountains, hills, valleys and rivers

          with slain men.

Nahum 1:2 - God is jealous, full of vengeance and wrath.

Zeph. 1:3 - God threatens to destroy everything, man and beast, birds     and fishes.

Zeph. 1:18 - "The whole land shall be devoured by the fire of his

          jealousy."

Zeph. 3:6 - God brags that he has destroyed many nations.

Zech. 13:3 - A false prophet must be killed by his father and mother.

 

2. RAPE

 

Ex. 21:7,8 - A father may sell his daughter to be a "maidservant" (or sex

          slave) who must "please her master."

Num. 31:18 - God orders his warriors to kill every living thing in a

          captured city, except the virgin girls, who are to be raped and

          turned into sex slaves.

Deut. 21:11,12 - If a warrior likes the look of a female war captive, he

          can take her to be one of his "wives."

Deut. 22:28, 29 - A man who rapes a virgin may take her for a wife if he

          pays her father 50 shekels of silver. (Yet a bride found not to be a

          virgin must be killed - Deut. 22).

Judges 5:30 - The spoils of war include "a damsel or two" for every man.

Judges 21:12, 28 -  God's warriors killed all the inhabitants of Jabesh-      gilead except for 400 virgin girls, who were taken as slaves.

          If there are not enough girls to go around, God's warriors may raid

          neighboring towns for more to rape.

 

3. SLAVERY

 

Gen. 9:25 - God cursed Ham, son of Noah, with perpetual slavery for the

          crime of seeing his father naked.  (Ham was formerly considered

          the ancestor of all Negroes.)

Ex. 21:4 - A male slave may marry and have children, and may go free    after six years; but his family remains the property (or hostages?) of     his master.

Ex. 21:7 - A man may sell his daughter as a sex slave.

Ex. 21:20,21 - A man may be punished for beating a male or female slave

          to death, but if the victim survives the beating for a few days, then

          there is no penalty.

Eph. 6:5 - Paul says slaves must obey their masters "with fear and

          trembling."

Titus 2:9 - Paul says slaves must obey and please their masters.

1 Tim. 6:1 - Paul says slaves must "count their masters worthy of all

          honor."

 

4. WAS JESUS ETHICAL?

 

Matt. 5:28-32 - Jesus says marriage to a divorcee is adultery; and a man           who ogles a woman has already committed adultery; and that you           must cut off your hand or pluck out your eye if it offends.

Matt. 6:19,34 - Jesus says don't save any money, and don't plan ahead.

Matt. 8:32 - Having no regard for private property, Jesus destroys a herd

          of someone else's pigs.

Matt. 10:34 - Jesus says he brings not peace on earth, but "a sword."

Matt. 19:12 - Jesus says the best way for a man to be sure of getting into

          heaven is to have himself castrated.

Mark 11:13 - Jesus destroys a fig tree for not bearing figs out of season.

Mark 14:4-7 - Jesus says it is more important to anoint him with precious

          ointment than to give to the poor.

Luke 12:47,48 - Jesus says it is permissible to whip slaves.

Luke 14:26 - Jesus says no man can be his disciple unless he hates his

          parents, siblings, wife, children, and himself as well.

Luke 19:27 - Jesus says anyone who denies his rulership must be killed.

John 15:6 - Jesus says anyone who doesn't believe in him must be

          burned. 

Acts 5:5-10 -  Ananias and his wife Sapphira  were killed for withholding

          money from the church.

2 John 1:10,11 - A Christian is forbidden to offer hospitality to a non-

          Christian, not even to wish him "Godspeed" on parting.

 

5. WOMEN IN THE NEW TESTAMENT

 

1 Cor. 11:3-10 - Women are inferior "because man was not created for    woman, but woman was created for man."  Every woman "while        praying or prophesying" must have her head covered "because of     the angels," meaning the spirits (it used to be believed that women's          hair attracts spirits).

1 Cor. 14:34,35 - Women must not speak in church.  If they want to ask

          questions, they must learn from their husbands at home.

Eph. 5:22 - Wives must submit to their husbands as they would to God.

1 Tim. 2:11-14 - A woman must not teach, or hold authority over a man,

          but must "learn in silence with all subjection," because "Adam was

          not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the

          transgression."  (So, being gullible is the original sin.)

1 Tim. 5:9 - Paul says the only women acceptable by the council of

          elders are devout, monogamous women over the age of sixty.

 

 

6. SILLINESS

 

Gen. 1:11-12 - God made all green plants on the third day of creation,

          but neglected to supply the sun (on which both plants and "days"

          depend) until the fourth day.

Gen. 6:6,7 - Because a few people displeased him, God "repented"

          having made the world, and decided to destroy all life on earth.

Deut. 25:11,12 - A woman who seizes a man's genitals, even to defend   her husband from an attacker, must have her hand cut off.

James 5:14,15 - Prayer by the elders of the church is the only sure cure

          for sickness.  (Christian Science, anyone?)

 

Which Ten Commandments do you prefer?  Ex. 20, Ex. 34, Deut. 5, or

          Deut. 27?

 

 

 

 

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Comment by Grinning Cat on August 13, 2012 at 11:30am

Clarence, you said it so well!

Thanks for posting these great examples of malware we must completely excise!

(These examples also demonstrate that most Christians and Jews are in fact not following anything near the complete Bible -- not that they should! We all (hopefully) have access to empathy, to reason, to a conscience independent of "God Said So.")

And Richard's observation, "the only mystery is how the heck there are so many people dumb enough to believe this stuff", reminded me of Jim Huber's "Pascal's Sucker-Bet", a refutation of Pascal's Wager that makes use of a PayPal offer, as well as a opening graphic that impressed me with at least two hidden levels of meaning.

Comment by Irrelevant People on August 13, 2012 at 10:50am

The Koran is even worse.

Comment by Napoleon Bonaparte on August 7, 2012 at 12:24pm

I don't give a fuck what it says in the Bible.

Comment by Joan Denoo on August 7, 2012 at 10:22am

Loren, I agree!!!

Comment by Loren Miller on August 7, 2012 at 9:50am

Based on everything I've read in the bible, this carpenter-turned-rabbi was the ultimate attention whore.  He wants to be the center of everything, and if he isn't to someone, that someone is screwed for all eternity.  An egotistic, narcissistic, self-important, self-promoting megalomaniac ... full stop.

Comment by Lillie on August 7, 2012 at 9:49am

I consider the entire bible to be nonsense.

Comment by Richard Goscicki on August 7, 2012 at 9:00am

26 "If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple."

Good one, Joan.  This one's a beauty.  The Lord sounds like a fukkin' nut. 

Comment by Joan Denoo on July 5, 2012 at 7:05pm

Good for you Richard, I like the idea of supporting powerful efforts to expose religion's dark side. I understand most people don't have the searing heat of a hot branding iron as those who have grasped their way out from under the trappings and false claims of peace and love. But there are enough of the wounded ones to make a pretty good branding party. 

To those who have not been harmed by dogma, religion is just plain old "bizarre and whacky". The citations you quoted are truly ridiculous.

And using King James version in response to one request:

Mark 14:7

King James Version (KJV)

For ye have the poor with you always, and whensoever ye will ye may do them good: but me ye have not always.

Luke 12:47

King James Version (KJV)

47 And that servant, which knew his lord's will, and prepared not himself, neither did according to his will, shall be beaten with many stripes.

Luke 14:26

King James Version (KJV)

26 If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple.

Luke 19:27

King James Version (KJV)

27 But those mine enemies, which would not that I should reign over them, bring hither, and slay them before me.

The ones about raping and beating women and cutting off their hands leaves a very acrid taste in my mouth, as well as the genocide, and slaughter of innocents. 

I was not raised Roman Catholic, but the protestant tribes aren't any better. Just fewer jewels in their crowns. 

 

 

 

Comment by Richard Goscicki on July 5, 2012 at 6:43pm

Thanks, Joan.  I knew you'd enjoy it.  My reaction, being I wasn’t indoctrinated was vehemently, was one of amusement rather than acrimony.  I wouldn’t call it “evil” as much as “bizarre” and “whacky”. 

Here’s a few I copied at random:

Mark 14:4-7 - Jesus says it is more important to anoint him with precious ointment than to give to the poor.

Luke 12: 47,48 - Jesus says it is permissible to whip slaves.

Luke 14:26 - Jesus says no man can be his disciple unless he hates his parents, siblings, wife, children, and himself as well.

Luke 19:27 - Jesus says anyone who denies his rulership must be killed.

Now I never actually looked up all these quotes, only a dozen or so.  They were pretty accurate.  One kid on the blog said “No Fair” because I wasn’t using the King James Version.  I told him God and Jesus sound like a pair of egomaniac mobsters no matter how you cut it. 

 

Were you taught about the “Mysteries of the Church”?  You know, the Immaculate Conception, the Trinity and Transubstantiation.  Now that I’m retired the only mystery is how the heck there are so many people dumb enough to believe this stuff.  Lol

How about recommending Mirror Reversal and Man Made God to your Facebook friends.  You’ll be supporting AtheistNexus.com because the “Atheist Novel” is mine. I'm even putting A/N in my will.

 

 

Comment by Joan Denoo on July 5, 2012 at 3:19pm

Richard Goscicki When you say, " I've been accused of "coming on too strong" with believers," I have had the same response. There are a whole gaggle of polite, timid, restrained revealers on this earth and they are necessary but not sufficient to get the message across. I have been verbally attacked on the internet and on my home phone for being so strident and I just see no benefit in calming down. 

My children and I were beaten with the knowledge of our church leaders and they gave me what I now call the "Passive Gospel", which is yield, pray, obey, turn the other cheek, crucify yourself daily in imitation of the crucified christ and rejoice in your crucifixion. Guess what! That reaction made the beatings worse. 

You go for it, if you are able and willing to take the back-lash. Not everyone can and I don't expect them to speak the truth if they are afraid. The great joy of survival is the loss of fear. Since "coming out as a "battered wife" I have never had the fear I had while married. 

Freedom, safety, self-respect and lots more comes from refusing to obey and submit. 

Christianity is no better than Islam. There, I said it and it is true! I just looked up to see if I should write Islam or Muslim and discovered,

"Muslims believe that God is one and incomparable and the purpose of existence is to love and serve God. Muslims also believe that Islam is the complete and ..."

Those are exactly the words my religious communities told me when I was trying to protect my children and myself. 

The truth is, those words and values are lies, delusions, distortions, sick and evil. 

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