Sunday, 24 August, 2008 19:31

Nilknarf Daily Haiku
alienated
by love and understanding...
alone in sorrow.

Lanas' mother died last night.

I had never met her.

I really feel for Lana and her family... even though you know it's coming, it's hard, very hard, to say goodbye to a loved one.

My day started at 03:00... I had gone to bed and right to sleep at 22:00 last night.

I tried to sleep for about two hours, but it didn't work.

When I say, "tried" I mean that I laid there having half-dreams and researching ideas... none of this, "I have to get up at ??? time".

I had someone tell me recently that I shouldn't lay awake worrying about shit... and I don't. I think about shit... building things, changing the network, wondering about the universe and the dark matter and the dark energy, wondering about why some people believe that we have souls and that they survive the cessation of the brain when we die.

And I think about how wonderful the universe is, the solar system, the earth, humanity... and me. That I can see and feel and think and... feel. And love.

I have a conundrum.

About six months ago, I joined a free dating site. As with most sites, nothing happened.

Then yesterday, **BANG!***.

I guess that I was the featured catch-of-the-day or something, and I had about 50 emails from various ladies.

Many of them very attractive, many of them very close.

I do not have a commitment with Lana, really, except in ***MY*** mind.

So I answered all of the emails with, "Sorry, won't work, I have a SO...."

Am I missing out on something? certainly.

Do I care?

No.

Two of my major faults are monogamy and faithfulness.

And to be quite frank about it, if I ever had more that one GF at a time, I would go crazy.

And yes, I did try it once.

I went crazy. Not pleasant.

Multiple wives? That I could handle, for there would be agreements. Cooperation. Compatability. Everyone would be crazy in the same way, more or less.

I Don't like crazy.

I Like dependable, thinking, caring.

Reta's sister Cleta is in town, they were supposed to be here at 17:00, but they were in Salina... they got to town about 19:15. I was going to go out to dinner with her and her husband, but i begged off since i really have to go to sleep...

Tentative plans for breakfast/coffee in the morning....

And now? sleep.

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