i've got two jobs- one that i've had forever and hate, and one that i've had for several months and love. every now and then i get on this crazy mission to find a newer, better job since the first one (office assistant at a grocery store) can really, really get to me. the one i love- i'm a tech for a vet clinic- pays poorly with poor hours, but i LOVE the job, so i've compromised by keeping my shitty one until i get a raise at the clinic.

anyway, i'll sporadically apply for jobs if i happen to notice a "now hiring" sign and the place seems cool enough. i was at the tag agency the other day with my roommate while she was renewing her license, and while i was waiting around i noticed a "now hiring" sign and thought, hot damn it, i'll just work here! so i filled out an application and turned it in.

within 5 minutes of turning it in, a woman came out of the office in the back and called my name. she wanted to interview me on the spot! i was jazzed. so my roommate waited in the lobby while i went back to talk to the boss.

it was a great interview, especially since it was so unexpected- she said i looked really promising, that it seemed like my responsibilities at the grocery store seemed identical to the ones there at the agency. she asked me personal questions- what my hobbies were; i said camping, going to live shows, travel, and reading. "i love books!" i proclaimed, feeling slightly stupid after i said that. she asked about my living situation- i pointed out my roommate and said we'd lived together for about 5 years. we talked about my travels to and life in russia. and THEN... it took a very weird turn. i'll paraphrase:

lady: so, of course, you'll get sundays off. we're closed on sundays.
me: oh, good. i love having sundays off.
lady: oh, so you go to church?
me: um, no. i just like to sleep in on sundays. it's a good day for taking it easy.
lady: (raises an eyebrow) i see. no church. so... you and your roommate. you're... both unattached?
me: yes. (thinking, wtf does that have to do w/ anything?)
lady: alright... so, you live with another female, you don't go to church, aaaaaaaand (looks at her notes she has jotted down)... you like books.
me: yep!
lady: hm. well, maybe we'll call you. bye.

and she showed me to the door, just like that.

i was a little puzzled by all of that, until i related it to my roommate on the way home. she laughed out loud and pointed out that the place did have a lot of christian knick-knacks around the office- a painting of a guardian angel, some crosses hanging around, little plaques w/ bible verses on them- and began to imagine the impression the 'personal' question part of the interview had revealed about yours truly.

"holy shit, that woman thinks you a godless heathen lesbian, living in sin with your black 'roommate'- i bet she thinks that's code for fuckbuddy- and worst of all, you read BOOKS! god forbid!!!" it was pretty funny. without even realizing it i'd bombed that interview by not going to church and not seeming straight enough. and for liking books. three things this woman apparently did NOT look for in an employee...

now, i could get all bent out of shape about this- i was probably more than qualified for the job, and this woman rejected me solely because my personal life is a little too- is 'liberal' the right word?- for her. i wonder what she thought the fact that i am not a christian/live with a woman (but isn't that normal? and we're both straight!)/am (somewhat) intellectual would do to damage my performance on the job. (maybe i would taint the holy workplace?)

if i had figured out earlier that i was genuinely freaking this woman out, i would've walked outta the lobby and slapped my roommate's ass as we left. maybe yelled something like, 'evolution rules!' as i left, a judd-nelson breakfast club fist pump as i pushed open the doors...

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Comment by carla on August 30, 2008 at 1:59pm
you probably wouldn't want to work there anyway!! I'm sure there are better jobs out there!
Comment by Hessenroots on August 19, 2008 at 12:43am
Thank you for a late night laugh

I think it's great that you could see the humor in it instead of getting pissed!
Judging by your post and what you mention of your background I'd say you can do much better than the DMV.

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