"You doing all right?"
"I guess," I said. "I'm a little nervous."
The nurse smiled. "You'll be fine. We're a well-funded institution, and we're doing OK for technology."
Somehow, for some reason, I was not reassured.
The mask was fixed on my face and I felt the cool injection of anesthetics into my IV line. "Breathe deeply," the nurse said. "And relax."
Someone else came in the room, a woman.
"Hey," she said. "I'm really lookin' forward to workin' on you, dont'cha know?"
I tried to sit up, but straps were holding me down. I tore the mask away. "I don't want HER working on me! Find me my doctor! She has no clue what she's doing!"
"We like a fresh approach to problems." The nurse pushed me back on the bed. "This is your doctor. She's got what it takes to fix everything that's wrong with you."
"And how!" the woman said, pausing to put a wad of gum on her stethoscope.
Then I woke up, in a tub of ice, and my kidneys were missing.
Some urban legends ring far too true.