He's Coming Soon...to a Theater Near Me!!



This modest little flyer was found in my (Jewish) podiatrist’s office, amidst the copies of Esquire, Rod and Gun, Modern Maturity and a pile of similarly unrelated publications. Just lying there, virtually unnoticed! How can this not be an international headline? A scheduled appearance by The Savior himself in one small Florida landfill community! Why was this earth-shattering event not heralded by trumpets and hosannas from on high? Why isn’t everyone on bended knee, preparing for his arrival? Why was this news left for a rabid atheist to find and publicize! Talk about Mysterious Ways!

It should be noted that ticket prices ($20-$24 apiece) are listed on the back of this notice, along with a map to the “Gospel Productions” venue. (As my mother might have said, “This is a place to throw a rapture?”) Further notes indicate that tickets are non-refundable and non-exchangeable (sounds pretty unforgiving to me) and that lunch and dinner are available at an additional cost. I wonder how much loaves and fishes are going for these days? Do you suppose manna will be served for dessert?

Oh, the questions that arise in contemplation of this miraculous occurrence! Like, to whom do the proceeds go? Why does he need two weeks to make an appearance? Why will he be here for only two weeks? When and where is his next scheduled engagement? What is the purported message of the flyer's “cracked stone” effect? Who knew there was a Performing Arts Center in Hudson?

My mind is beyond boggled. I’m going to lie down now; wake me for the curtain call.

Views: 7

Tags: a, again, born, is, star

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Comment by Forsaken on October 13, 2008 at 2:36pm
These predating monsters make me sick. Religiosity is like a mental disease seizing rational thought and self-reliance... creating an enormous faction of thought slaves whose irrationality is only trumped (in most cases) by the criminally insane... although some of these religious nutters are also criminally insane on top of being delusional.
Comment by HotMess on October 12, 2008 at 4:19pm
Oh, and I LOVE the name Genovive. I considered that name for my girl.
Comment by HotMess on October 12, 2008 at 4:17pm
O.K. An uncircumsized penis ... Was Jesus circumsized?
Comment by Ruth Dickson on October 11, 2008 at 2:46pm
Genovive...when I picked it up, my thumb was covering the toe portion of the foot and i thought the same thing. VERY penile!
Comment by Emily Dietle on October 11, 2008 at 2:38pm
I'm so out of touch with Christian symbols/imagery, that I had to do a double take at the footprint above Jesus' head- at first glance I thought it was some sort of penis charcoal sketch. My brain is odd sometimes. Gave me a good laugh though.

GdR
Comment by Ruth Dickson on October 11, 2008 at 2:09pm
There is no logical explanation, Nancy...just as there is no logic to theism itself. It's a childish reliance on an invisible authority figure to kiss our booboos and punish our wrongdoing, perhaps just another proof that the human animal as a species is still in its infancy. My hope is that it will eventually achieve adulthood and outgrow its need for the Big Sky Daddy, ushering in a Post-theist Age of Reason. Maybe the current global convulsion will open the theists' minds and allow them to see that no amount of supplication to their deity du jour is going to help. We can only hope (and raise our children to see clearly).
Comment by Nancy Spivey on October 10, 2008 at 10:45am
One thing that continually amazes me is that so many people believe this stuff. I, as an intelligent, thinking creature, can see so many holes in the "truth" that I wonder why others are so blind.
Can someone 'splain this to me?
Comment by STA on October 9, 2008 at 3:05pm
It'd be funny to hear someone in the parking lot scream, "Jesus didn't show up...I want my Goddamn twenty bucks back!"
Comment by Jeffrey Mark on October 9, 2008 at 2:05pm
Ha! That's great! But I do have an explanation as to why there was no fanfare. He promised he'd come back like a thief in the night. You'll have to wait and see what the Jewish Carpenter stole from the Jewish Podiatrist while "thiefing". Of course, he probably did the rapture and took away only those Christians who are good. And notice that none are gone. Imagine that.

As for the dinner, well I think it's pretty rotten of them to charge so much since Jesus will undoubtedly feed the whole lot from one slice of bread and a single glass of water-turned-to-wine. We're talking about major profits at $20-$24 a plate.
Comment by Ruth Dickson on October 9, 2008 at 1:36pm
tag should read "a star is born again".

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