Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!

I was sitting on My Eternal Throne just now, pondering things you cannot possibly fathom when I realized: I am very disappointed in every single human being on Earth.

None of you are perfect in My Eyes. You have all sinned and fallen short of the Glory of Me. Need I remind you that the wages of sin are demon-rape?

Those of you who confess that you are deeply flawed, sinful humans and pledge to follow Me forever shall be forgiven and live forever in inexplicable glory. Those of you who do not shall die and bake in hell forever and ever in searing agonizing agony.

To instead enjoy an afterlife filled with delicious cakes and hot-air balloon rides and naked virgin supermodels and an endless multitude of other wondrous joys, there is only a few things you must do:

1. Confess to Me now that you know that you are sinning piece of shit
2. Beg Me for My Forgiveness
3. Place your faith in Me and My Son Jesus, who died for you (you selfish bastard)
4. Believe that We have forgiven you and accept Us into your heart

If you pray for forgiveness right now and really, really mean it, I will forgive you and we can be friends from now on. Otherwise fuck you.

Views: 1

Tags: Confessions, Damnation, Forgiveness, God

Comment

You need to be a member of Atheist Nexus to add comments!

Join Atheist Nexus

Comment by Carole Westgaard on January 15, 2009 at 9:31pm
Hey! Howabout you get on Facebook! Then when people say things like 'Thank God...' you will be acknowledged all over the place. Why wait for the infidels to wake up? Everyone is on Facebook! And I know we can keep Satan out....we just won't accept his invitations!
Comment by Clarence Dember on January 14, 2009 at 1:32am
I think my cats just ate one of those mice gods on that "Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy" movie....
Comment by Ronnie on October 4, 2008 at 10:43am
No thanks on the forgiveness part, you sound like you're pretty much a douchebag there lord. How's 'bout a little more evidence than a text post. Do you have a youtube account? If you and Jesus make youtube appearances and do some stuff that can't be done by man I'll think about buying the rest of the story.

Have a nice eternity.

Support Atheist Nexus

Donate Today

Donate

 

Help Nexus When You Buy From Amazon

Amazon

 

Latest Activity

Todd Crispin replied to Todd Crispin's discussion New member, first post anywhere of this type
25 minutes ago
Jennie updated their profile
28 minutes ago
Jennie posted a photo
31 minutes ago
Todd Crispin posted discussions
32 minutes ago
mark fitzgibbon liked Ivy's group Atheist Humor
1 hour ago
mark fitzgibbon posted a status
"giving my daughter breakfast :)"
2 hours ago
mark fitzgibbon updated their profile
2 hours ago
mark fitzgibbon replied to Todd Crispin's discussion New member, first post anywhere of this type
3 hours ago
mark fitzgibbon liked Todd Crispin's discussion New member, first post anywhere of this type
3 hours ago
abdulrahman aliyu posted a status
"How I wish things were different....... And I am in open society, not living in the midst of Muslims and couldn't express my views openly."
3 hours ago
Joan Denoo commented on Daniel W's group Food!
3 hours ago
Connor Galletly replied to Dr. Terence Meaden's discussion Pope Francis confesses that Evolution and the Big Bang theory are right: God isn't 'a magician with a magic wand' in the group ORIGINS: UNIVERSE, LIFE, HUMANKIND, AND DARWIN
3 hours ago

© 2014   Atheist Nexus. All rights reserved. Admin: Richard Haynes.

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service