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My Mom Is Frustrating Me

My mom does not respect my non-belief. She insists I go to church with her because all of a sudden her 'house rule' is that "As for me and my house we worship the Lord." To make matters worse the sermon from yesterday was focused on "Bringing children up in the worship" and that you should force you children to go to church. In fact, he said you should have them miss school before they miss church. I'm becoming increasing angry, frustrated and resentful of her. I never had anything against Christianity but I'm starting to hate it now.

Tags: Atheism, christianity, frustration, parents

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Comment by Donald R Barbera on March 31, 2011 at 11:41am: Being raised in a Christian household exposes you to strong familial tradition. Not to fear, keep working in the your current direction and your family will come to respect your choice, especialy when they know it is not just a whim. You need suggestions for authors? I've got a list.

Comment by Dave on December 30, 2009 at 5:51am: Evening, sry to jump in out of nowhere, I'm new on this site, bout the same age as the crypt keeper.. anywho,
Been married to my hot black wife 25yrs now. Her mom is such a wonderful person, she is my second mom, but statements like "Girl, you better get right with God" are playing in my head as I type. discussion produced those scary looks like only mama can do... no no no If you have a similar scenario yeow.
For my 2cents
a) rational discussion is received as talking back or subverting authority .. Sooo I would sit and read choice sections of the bible (slavery, incest etc) and have her explain them to you, as you are trying so hard hehe.
b) grab some pics/or articles of Hubert Henry Harrison: The Black Socrates , I recently stumbled across his bio at the American Atheists website - I had never heard of him before, he was an amazing atheist, lawyer, a biblical scholar with a knowledge of such exotic languages as Hebrew, Greek, Latin, and Arabic. He passed in Harlem 1927
http://www.atheists.org/Hubert_Henry_Harrison%3A_The_Black_Socrates_

sneaky sneaky eh? like just studying great men of the past... mom, have you heard of him?

Comment by Sonny Mobley on December 29, 2009 at 1:37pm: Whatever you do don't lie about your belief. You don't have to confront people or anything, but at least be true to your self in that. I can pretty much tell you from my own experience that if you can get your mom to just leave you alone about it (and you the same for her) that will be about as much as good as you can do. :/ My mom and I just don't bring it up... as much as I'd like to. However, If pressed by anyone I stand my ground - mom or not.

Comment by Creature on December 29, 2009 at 12:05am: Hang in there!

Comment by Johnny on December 28, 2009 at 11:32pm: I'd like to hear the story, Michell. Care to post it on my wall or in a blog?

Comment by Michelle on December 28, 2009 at 10:46pm: I assume you have spoken to her about how this is effecting your ability to have a relationship with her, not to mention your ability to choose not to have one when you don't live there. Or that you are unable to reasonably do so.
My mother and I barley spoke for long periods of time. I'm now 33 and we are still working at getting comfortable around each-other. I'm sorry you have to endure this, but it will end, probably sooner than it seems right now. It's the hard feelings that will last and likely not be understood by too many. As a matter of fact my stepmother has not spoken to me for 3 years and hasn't seen my 7 year old since he was 4 because I won't just 'go-along' to make others happy and I'm very protective of my son's rights and voice in that regard. (that is a much longer story).
I hope your able to do better and I'm glad we make you feel connected to a community.

Comment by Johnny on December 28, 2009 at 5:02pm: oh one more elaboration: I try to get them to see the "slave morality" of religion (THAT should stir some tempers) because god is this almighty aloof entity that doesn't feel good enough to reveal himself, so he sends his lap dogs to preach the word to everyone instead of showing up himself for ALL to see, not just the 2000 years dead Israelites.
When you follow orders without questioning and without having your questions rightfully acknowledged in person, you are a slave. I did not choose this life of "judgement" that the Christians impose on me, so the analogy of the slave rings as clear as a bell. I know you'll get a reaction from that. It makes EVERYBODY uncomfortable. It is one of the things that got me to really lean towards atheism too.

Comment by Johnny on December 28, 2009 at 4:44pm: oh no... I can't pretend i would be brave enough to do that. I'm more used to the 20-30 sized small churches I used to go to.

The most important thing to know is that people care and we do. I can't say I have a lot of experience in that kind of situation.

And yes, the family gets rough. My family, besides my abnormal parents, are all die hard conservatives and my aunt is the manager of a 9/11 memorial supervised by Bush so I get what you mean by awkwardness in the family TRUST ME lol. I don't try to hide it though. They know. I try to use soft words so that they can understand why I doubt and never go on the offensive outside of my immediate household.

When my relatives ask me why I don't believe I simply say that I am a good person and I don't need to follow the Bible to know what is right and wrong (my head SCREAMS moral relatives but that is too deep and complicated of a thought process for most). I tell them that I don't believe in god because it is a very remarkable claim like Santa or Easter Bunny, but there isn't enough proof. I also tell them that belief in god doesn't have to be a bad thing, but I am uncomfortable being told what to do by people that I can't see or interact with or ask questions. Everybody spends so much time trying to guess what God wants for them from the Bible instead of thinking for themselves. I respect that their beliefs make them happy but I am quite happy without them and if God can blame me or send me to hell for politely disagreeing then I don't think that he is very good at all. I have "faith" that the benevolant god will be benevolent and not persecute me for not having enough evidence to solidly believe.

After saying this, usually they back off because I suspect that as they hear it they agree grudgingly, although they get Pascal's wager in the back of their heads and decide that faith is what is best for them.

Don't think that my family is easygoing either. We're all a bunch of pistols and love stirring up arguments and debates. Religion is just one that I am very careful to sidestep. Why don't you try it?

Comment by Courtney King on December 28, 2009 at 3:15pm: @Johhny, I would love to...unfortunately the church (although held in a middle school auditorium) has a LARGE congregation and to raise a hand and speak with him is impossible. After service its hard to find in such a large crowd. Also we were invited to attend by family members who don't know about my Atheism...which also hurts me when I have to lie and pretend I believe in God...I feel like she's going to get me deeper and deeper in a hole with my family because they always ask me how much I enjoy church. This website is the only place I can be myself.

Comment by Johnny on December 28, 2009 at 2:39pm: in fact, if my mom was a strict denominational christian and went to church, that is exactly what i would do. it kind of makes my case easier when the spiritual leader himself can not answer my questions.