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My Brief Absence/Depression.

A few weeks ago, for the first time in my life, I drank and blacked out! It was scary! I had no recollection of anything. I had a bad headache, was sore, and a few bruises!

My friend gave me a call a few hours after I woke up, and told me about the night and the way I was acting. My jaw was on the floor. Apparently I acted in such a lewd way, I almost did not believe it was me! Everything she was repeating, it got worse and worse! I have no history of even doing anything that remarkably bad!

I went to the same bar (the scene of the crime), not too long later, and I couldn't even count the dirty looks I received. I bowed my head down and left the place. The embarrassment I felt was so insane, I cried walking (in the rain mind you)!

I fell into a pretty deep depression after that, which was the reason why I wasn't on here for awhile. I wanted to so badly crawl under a hole. But now, although I'm still very uncomfortable talking about the exact details, I decided instead of loathing about it, I will vow to never put myself in that situation ever again.

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Comment by Tarentola Mauritanica on January 28, 2011 at 8:12am: The last sentence ..... THAT was THE best lesson that one could derive from the experience.

Comment by Colin Littlejohn on July 20, 2009 at 10:16am: I got drunk some years ago, got mugged by a gang and beaten unconscious. I've never been drunk from that day to this. You've got to know your tipping point where alcohol is concerned, and stop before you tip.
As for therapy, I would suggest existential therapy, it helped me. My therapist was completely non-judgemental and did me the world of good. Just Google 'existential therapy' plus your home state and see what it comes up with, that's how I found mine.

Comment by Kitty on June 19, 2009 at 6:27am: When you black out you have absolutely no control. Which doesn't excuse drinking too much, it just makes you human. And you know what? it's tough being human.
So you did things that appall you. You already know you'll never drink to that excess again. You've already corrected your behavior. Seeing a shrink is a great idea, just make sure it's a psychologist rather than a psychiatrist. Psychologists are not as quick to suggest medication, and are more apt to help you discover your own patterns and then help your cognitively change those patterns you deem unhealthy.
The very fact, Jennifer, that you are not just blowing it off..."I was drunk, I'm not responsible", shows you are a thoughtful person.
Time will help you get over the shame you now feel. Obviously you cannot erase the past. One thing you can do is live today in a way which will allow you to walk with your head up.
A suggestion. Go into that same bar with your friend and have one or two drinks (no more) and allow the real you to be seen there. This will break any pattern of negativity from that place (and people).

Comment by Jennifer W on June 10, 2009 at 3:15pm: Thanks everyone. I'm not on any meds or anything, but I'm really considering seeing a shrink about it. I mean, I have never acted in such a lewd way in my life and it almost ate me whole. My problem at times is that I can be kinda of a loner and not the most social person in the world, so when I do have problems I tend to think I'm the only one to solve them.

Comment by Nate on June 10, 2009 at 11:09am: One cannot too soon forget his errors and misdemeanors. To dwell long upon them is to add to the offense. Repentance and sorrow can only be displaced by something better, which is as free and original as if they had not been.- Henry David Thoreau

Comment by Jay Gilb on June 10, 2009 at 8:47am: Are you on any new prescription medications ?

My wife was on a certain anti-depressant (can't remember the name) for a while and when she drank,
turned from a happy drunk into a nasty drunk. After she switched meds the behavior went away.

Comment by Billy Deaton on June 9, 2009 at 8:13pm: "If I had a dime for every stupid thing I have done in my life, I'd be so rich that people would call me an eccentric instead of a fool."

What a great quote.

Comment by Nate on June 9, 2009 at 1:41pm: You're way too hard on yourself, Jennifer. If you find a lesson in the events of the night in question learn and move on, richer for the experience. But hopefully, sooner rather than later, you'll be able to look back on that night and laugh.

Comment by Angie Jackson on June 9, 2009 at 1:08pm: The worst moment of your life is not what defines the whole of who you are. Everyone has things they have done which they regret and are ashamed of; learning from these, and avoiding repeat performances, is vital. It's okay. I don't even know what happened but either myself or one of my friends has probably done it at some other point. Learning your limit with alcohol usually involves at least one story of going waaaaaay beyond it.

Re: Depression. Isolation keeps depression going longer and darker. I've had bouts of minor and major depressions my whole life. Stand up comedy, kittens, and sunshine all seem to help, and exercise is pretty well proven to have a big impact.