But God put these people in my life for a reason

Oh how I used to buy in to that! I surely did. That is how I was raised. My mother drilled it in my head.

"Sorry you had a benign tumor in your knee that nearly took your entire knee out and you had to have a bone graph done on your hip and you could no longer play field hockey. God has a plan for you and put this obstacle in your life for a reason". (I love my mom just not her thinking)

"Sorry your husband cheated on you. God has a plan. He put him in your life to teach you a lesson"

I'm sorry. What lesson was that again? Surely I could have learned a lesson on my own? Surely such a loving "God" would not put something so horrible in my life just to teach me a lesson. What did I ever do to "Him"? I didn't ask for "Him" to create me (sarcastic people because I surely don't believe he did because I don't believe in god period)

So I was talking with a good friend of mine who has been having serious relationship trouble. Having gone through some myself I offered help and my views. He said, "I believe God put these girls in my life for a reason. he has a higher purpose than I could understand"

I rolled my eyes and tried to be nice. I said, "Take responsibility for your own actions and thinking. You are attracted to these bad girls for a reason. God didn't put them in your life for any purpose. If you want to view it that way your excuse will be that it is showing you what you shouldn't want. Um, you should figure that out on your own and think about that before jumping in. It is a lesson I had to learn on my own."

I am so sick of people not taking responsibility for their actions. No, I did not ask for my husband to beat me and to cheat on me but I surely put myself in a position where I chose the wrong guy. I was blinded and thought "This is what god wants" and didn't see through the mask that my husband put on. I am big on taking responsibility for your own actions and thinking. If you think taking drugs is a good idea then that is on you. Don't blame or give credit to some myth for your life. Take control of it and stop waiting.

Another conversation we had was how my friend was waiting for God to answer and show him the next chapter in his life. People like this drive me nuts! You are just a waiting duck. You are doing nothing, accomplishing nothing and waiting for absolutely NOTHING! Why can't people take the first step and realize life isn't easy? There are speed bumps and walls to climb but eventually you will get there. Why give praise to someone who obviously had nothing to do with it?

Sorry, just venting here. It drives me crazy. I may not be super intelligent in wording. I am blunt and say what is on my mind.

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Comment by Glen Rosenberg on August 28, 2012 at 2:33pm

Loren, we troglodites get out nowadays.

The incongruous and contradictory in religion are nearly endless.

Comment by booklover on August 28, 2012 at 1:55pm

Wow! That's AWFUL Jessica, to say the least!  If their was a 'god' that did that to that little girl, or let it happen, then that 'god' is a MONSTER and WHY would anyone worship that??????

Comment by Jessica on August 28, 2012 at 1:03pm
I know it's sad. I get the need to feel there is a reason but after what i have seen in my life I realize that is almost worse! I watched my best friends daughter who was 8 at the time suffer for 7 months with a rare form of sarcoma of the brain that took her life and when I mean suffer she SUFFERED! It was horrible. I was there when we had to alternate duties on holding her down or watching her twitch and smack her forehead because of the pain. I get extremely defensive when people try to claim there is a purpose or reason for THAT!
Comment by Loren Miller on August 28, 2012 at 12:50pm

Glen ... go to your Cave! [grin!]

Comment by booklover on August 28, 2012 at 12:50pm

If people believe everything is preordained, why not just sit there and wait for life to happen to you.  The life that 'god' has prepared for you. 

I had a friend who had a son who was born with the front-lobes of his brain not developed.  She said 'god' gave her that son because he was up there (up where?) and disabled, and needed someone who would dedicate her life to him.  I understand she NEEDED to believe this, but SERIOUSLY?  WHY would there be a disabled baby 'up there' to begin with, and why would a loving god make this child suffer for 18 years be4 he died from terribly scarred lungs, just to teach HER something?  What a fucker of a deity.~ Melinda

Comment by Glen Rosenberg on August 27, 2012 at 4:35pm

Damn Loren, you look young for your age, Socrates being your contemporary and all!

Comment by Jessica on August 27, 2012 at 4:10pm
so true Loren
Comment by Loren Miller on August 27, 2012 at 2:31pm

Saying god wants this or god did that is a mechanism for deferring responsibility or a need to understand for oneself the dynamics that are going on in one's life.  A favorite phrase of one of the best men I ever knew was: "The unexamined life is not worth living."  Being willing to LOOK at oneself and to understand one's behavior is the first step toward taking possession of one's own life, while at the same time obviating the need to credit or blame some nonexistent deity for what is going on.

To me, that is the single most important lesson, and you can teach it to yourself.  No deity is necessary.

Comment by Daniel B on August 27, 2012 at 2:15pm

Good job on letting the guy know why those girls were in his life.  Every little bit helps.

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