A Thanksgiving Prayer

Bless, O Lord this food that it may be an effective and salutary remedy for mankind. In other words, please let all of the nutrients contained in this food be as effective as possible in my digestion system. Don’t let it give me diarrhea, food poisoning, or any sort of general discomfort. Thank you for giving me this food while you let countless others starve to death around the world. For Thy name's sake, grant that all who partake of this food may obtain health of body, safety of soul, fattening of ass, and one million dollars in cash. Through Christ our Lord whom you sent on a suicide mission over two thousand years ago, Amen, Awoman, Achild, Adwarf, Amidget, A6pack, Ahellyeah, and Apartridge-in-a-pear-tree.