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Letter to my Mom

Recently, my Catholic mother and I have been discussing my Atheism. She has known about it since I was a teenager, but has rarely made mention of it, and has never been combative. A short while ago I sent her some Bible verses which I had no idea about, and was curious about her take on them as a Christian. Surprisingly, she read the links and started a discussion with me. In return, she sent me this email:

Matt -

I know you don't believe, but sometimes you just have to have faith. Take a look around you - and look at the beauty and wonderment all over. I believe only God, in whatever way one wants to believe, has created all this. I don't have anything to back it up - except my faith in God. He has been there for me to help me get through some really tough times. I wish you could find that faith....

I love you and I am very proud of you,

Mom

This included an attachment which showed the Bible's symmetry as proof of it's divine spirit. It centered around Psalm 118, which says "It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man."

I wanted to share my response to her, and I would be curious to know how others feel I handled this:

Thanks for this Mom. I know you love me, and I am happy that you get something out of your beliefs. Mostly, I am thankful that your beliefs don't cause you pain or suffering, or cause you to inflict pain or suffering on others. It is the religious extremists that concern me most. Unfortunately, what used to be considered extreme is becoming popularized, particularly in America.

I do see the beauty in the world, and more than most I think, I am and have always been captivated by the natural world. Certainly, you remember my fondness for Jaques Cousteau. I have watched just about every nature program that has ever been released, and now find myself delving more deeply into the amazing natural world through understanding and studying evolution. It's truly a wonderful thing, and you don't need to believe in God to revel in it.

I ask you this: why is faith such a wonderful thing, in general. Why should the belief in something without proof be exalted, while the desire to learn and the search for proof be so reviled? That is Atheism in a nutshell, and most people seem to misunderstand the non-theist point of view.

Regarding the Psalm verse: "It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man." It begs the question, "why"? What is so wrong with trusting the tangible human race, as opposed to a mysterious unproven myth? I have no problem with people having their beliefs, but I just don't see how that is a superior way of looking at the world.

I love you, and I'm glad that we are able to have a civil discussion. At the very least I would like you to understand why I believe as I do, and most importantly, to know that I can live a moral, happy, and fulfilled life without the belief in a deity or an afterlife.

Matt

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Comment by Joan Denoo on November 10, 2011 at 12:31pm: I like your calm, concrete, descriptive expression of your experience of natural things and the respect you gave your mother, even as you have different life-experiences. I don't understand how one can trust in a deity and find comfort and strength when facing life's challenges. In fact, my experience is the opposite. Dealing with family violence and turning to leaders and members of my church communities, I experienced "stones instead of bread". I now call those experiences as preaching, teaching, and living the "Passive Gospel": yield, pray, obey, submit, accept beatings as living in imitation of the crucified Christ, and rejoice in my crucifixion.

Traveling in China I met old women who had bound feet. One told me the crime of deliberately crippling her by binding her feet when she was four years old was insignificant to the binding of her mind by teaching her she was inferior, subordinate, and worthy of crippling in order to satisfy the pleasures of her future husband. I call this "Footbinding/Mindbinding.

The "Active Gospel" is being conscious of the truth of life and living and using every faculty in one's possession to solve complex problems and stand against oppression and domination. Very few of my family or friends share my point of view ... they often challenge my belief there are no gods and that gives me opportunities to state my position honestly, clearly, and confidently without needing to change my beliefs or submit to theirs. It is strange how some of them confide their doubts of traditions and values to me privately and we can engage in serious exploration together.

Looking at the stars and constellations at night, observing the rich varieties of flora and fauna in my garden by day gives me all that I need to confidently know I am part of something far bigger than I, that we are made of the dust of stars.

Comment by matthew greenberg on November 10, 2011 at 10:06am: Thanks Kris. She took it the right way. I spoke with her yesterday about it and we again managed to have a very nice talk. I never viewed my mother as open minded, and maybe in general she isn't, but fortunately, regarding this she seems to "understand".

Comment by Kris King on November 10, 2011 at 9:39am: That sounds pretty good to me ... it responds to her letter in a way that accentuates the positive aspects of non-belief (namely that we live in a truly astonishing universe that is infinitely more awesome than any imagined belief we may hold), rather than focusing too greatly on the negative aspects of faith.

Good stuff, cheers for posting it!