So I run faster, but he caught me here

Comment

Comment by Michael Smith on July 2, 2011 at 9:02am

The fact that people read this and want to help may be unfortunate, so feel free to delete this if it doesn't help.

Ironic that people telling you your private parts are dirty might have been more abusive than any physical abuse heaped upon you. That is definitely something I can find commonality with (even though I have been incredibly fortunate in my life overall). I realized that such beliefs don't make any kind of sense whatsoever when subjected to logical scrutiny. The church thrives on character assassination, where everything good you do is from God, and everything bad you do is from yourself. Aside from being logically questionable, it is a thoroughly miserable way to live. Small wonder Christianity produces so many hypocrites.

You have to reclaim the victories in your life for yourself. Knowing such victories in your life will come and cherishing them when they do helps.
Research child abuse. Try to understand what you're going through. Recognize you aren't alone, and that many people go through the same thing and have lived well-adjusted lives. What you find there may not always be pleasant, but that will make you better cherish the hope that it gives you.
Eat well, Exercise and get plenty of sleep. Recognize your biological basis, and care for your body's basic needs. This extends to sexual health. Masturbate and consume erotic media. If you're with somebody, have fun with them. Create some good sexual experiences.

Our minds can trick us into thinking we're worried about something, when in fact, we are just seeking an explanation for a biological problem. It isn't all about your past. For me, being self-aware helps a lot. It really does.

Comment by Monica S. on June 28, 2011 at 10:58pm

Maybe so wanderer. I just tell myself that sometimes shit happens.

Comment by booklover on June 28, 2011 at 4:59pm

Wanderer I see your point about it's their fault but it still obviously was a horrible attack that she has to deal with.  I haven't had that so it's had to know what to say.  I will say I did tell one therapist (I have an anxiety disorder) that I thought religion was a socially acceptable form of insanity and he sort of laughed and said he'd never heard it put that way, and another therapist, when I told her I was an Atheist said something to the effect that I certainly seemed like a very moral person anyway.  What?  She lost my respect right there.  Seriously?  I felt betrayed only because I thought therapists were supposed to be smarter than I am maybe?  I found out they are not.  It was sort-of disheartening.

I really hope both of you find peace and it's just sad what people can do to each other in this world.  More proof there's not a loving 'god' watching over us?

Comment by Monica S. on June 28, 2011 at 2:13pm

Thanks ya'll. I'm going to talk more about it on here, because my mom sadly enough is on FB so she doesn't need the heartache.

Comment by Jedi Wanderer on June 28, 2011 at 11:50am

I dısagree, yes ıt was their fault but it most certainly has been your problem to deal with all the psychological damage they wrought. The worst kind of damage is the kind which attacks one's self-esteem and sense of self. These kinds of people are the worst offenders because they attack where ıt causes the most damage. I have suffered emotıonal attacks myself, and though the damage was not so bad as what you have had to endure, ıt hurts lıke hell all the same, so I can only ımagıne what you are goıng through. Therapy dıd not help me eıther, eıther because they were too stupıd to address the damage to my self-esteem and consequent loss of motıvatıon for lıvıng or... no that's probably ıt. Anyway I wısh you the best, I hope you manage to fınd yourself more whole and more at peace wıth who you are, and let us know how you are doıng, okay? Thınk of us as part of your new famıly and know that we value and apprecıate you.

Comment by Earther on June 28, 2011 at 8:41am

Thanks for your tragic story.  I can really tell that you are trying to find respect in yourself and the world.  I try to think of it as a survival skill, infact I like to watch survival shows to gain skills in the area of respect for myself and others.  I am glad you are seeking help through counseling but my frustration through counseling is that fact that we are seeking counseling through a religiously dominated society.  We seek clarity through people who accept the other life form.  I just get worn out by the whole idea of who is there to be helpful in a time of need.  I guess I am just reminding you of how much you need to depend on yourself for your own health.  It's got to be a skill that you practice everyday.  "How do I improve my life today"?  "How can I better my odds of accepting myself and others"?  I am thinking of taking a short cooking class to help myself, if I can afford it.  Sitting by the water like a fountain, a river or ocean can be very soothing for me.  No one can take away our pains we just have to build ontop of them.  Not to cover them up but to have a resource to continue living.  Hopefully the choice we make are positive ones that we did not get from the people we depended on in the past.

Comment by booklover on June 28, 2011 at 6:14am

I am so sorry this has happened to you.  How horrible.  I think the therapist is right though, it is not you, it is them.  The horrible people who did horrible things to you are the ones that are horrible!!!  You have value and you sound like a very intelligent person.  I obviously don't know your situation now, but the fact that you are in therapy is a very good sign.  I wish you the best and I hope you find peace.