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Stupid holidays.....what to do?

I have 2 sides of family......I have nothing to do with my father's side ever and my mother's side hate me as much as I hate them.

I usually do the holiday gathering to be with my mother but she is going elsewhere alone this year so my husband will want a big dinner and we have no kids just the 2 of us so I really don't want to make a huge freakin meal for 2 people but neither of us wants to eat out on thanksgiving..............but this family hates me as much as I hate them. There will be noone there we like, the only thing we want to do while out there is hunt deer or quail....but then others want to join in and we simply have no interest.

You see, I was born out of wedlock and to these so called christian people I am a sin that should have never happened and maybe if they don't look I will go away.............these people have so many dark little secrets and I know them all because I am one of them and they never let me forget it......I am an only child but my mother had been pregnant with another child but she had an abortion so there wasn't another sin.

What would you do?

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Comment by Adrianne on November 29, 2010 at 8:45pm: Me too. I think it's time to start thinking about a divorce.

Comment by Karen Loethen on November 28, 2010 at 1:32pm: A-
There is no FORGETTING, but there IS getting OUT and creating your own life, away from the dang insanity.
I hope you can find that!
K

Comment by Adrianne on November 28, 2010 at 2:38am: @ Karen
I couldn't agree more and now finally at 26 years I have the made the decision to take what I know in my heart is the right path, and since I was born I have been the dirty little secret of the family. I was born out of wedlock, therefore I am eternally in their eyes a bastard. This will never change, not one of the people will ever admit guilt and apologize.

My husband is proving to be just as difficult even though his family practices equality and tolerance. I am so fed up with all the crap from the so called people of the faith that I am willing to walk away. From everything and everyone if need be.

The family saying they wonder about my mental stability is nothing new. When I was 12 I told them I wasn't going to church anymore because I no longer believed in there being a god, and instead I told them I leaned a little more to the paganistic beliefs of we are all one large family and we should accept all living things, never take a life, and so on. Not another god, not gods, just different beliefs. My mother commited me the next night to a psychiatric hospital and told them I was out of control and that I had been hallucinating and having outbursts of uncontrollable rage. Of course my mother never mentioned that she beat the living dog shit out of, but she would more than willingly let them know that all of sudden I would just attack her, but never would she mention it was because I wanted to defend myself, she told them she tried to push me out of the car going 70 on the interstate, but she just mentioned that I got mad and tried to jump......................do you get the idea? I was there for 7 months.

The trauma of being around these people is very deep seeded and I have had enough abuse for one life time. I am completely able to black out and try to kill someone. Last year I blacked out on an aunt who said the wrong thing and I tried to kill her with my fork. I have issues from these people and I'm not sure how much sanity I have left, but I know that if I stick around and they don't change something eventually will snap, I am not the person they want me to be, I will not forget or forgive, and hell no I don't believe in there god.

It is a really bad mess with a long deep dark and violent history. I just don't know what else there is. I don't really have alot of friends or even a few friends. I have alot of trouble feeling comfortable around people and trusting them.

I am a work in a progress I guess I should say.

Comment by Karen Loethen on November 27, 2010 at 12:23pm: Adrianne,
PLEASE find a loving, warm set of friends and, together, seek to find just what there is to be happy, joyful, and thankful for.
The judging, cruel, and unkind family of yours is not unique. I have one too. So, as the holidays approach, there is this renewed awareness of not feeling "a part" of that family that we so desperately want. I have fought that fight for years!!!!!
Now, I simply make plans for my own nuclear family. We invite beloved friends and create our own holiday traditions.

Live the ultimate payback for their unkindness: a HAPPY life!

Comment by Adrianne on November 26, 2010 at 10:50pm: @ Fall I chose to not involve myself with any of them. If they want nothing to do with me then I am not going to have anything to do with them. I chose to leave it all behond because I agree there is no time for hate and I have spent too much time trying to explain my views and feelings. If it does not fit their views of who I should be or "what" I should be they will not hear it. In response, they say they worry about my "mental stability" or if I am using drugs or if I have turned into an alchoholic and I have a temper and after so much it DOES come out so I have just made the choice to have nothing to do with them anymore.

@ New Atheist My husbands family treats me more like a family, and although they all believe in a god, they do not follow the faith devoutly and they believe to each their own and that being an atheist does not make you less of a person. So I am lucky in that sense. I have been trying to make some friends of the same beliefs but that is extremely hard here. I live in a college town but it is a very strict Southern Babtist town. It's like trying to pull a steak away from a lock jawed pit bull. Chances are I will leave with some appendages missing so to speak. LOL

I really am thankful to have people who understand where I come from and will take the time to show a little support. I am a new atheist after years of christianity and doubt, and I just wish others would realize it doesn't mean that I am not a person.

Comment by New Atheist on November 26, 2010 at 9:04am: Wow, I'm sorry that your family has been treating you so terribly :-( There is no excuse for that.

If I were in your situation, I would celebrate the holidays with friends or a community. Where I live, there are gatherings for people who either do not have families, or who are not on speaking terms with their families.

I would surround myself with people who know that I am a good person, and can reinforce that for me. I hope your good friends would understand this situation with your family, and would be glad to have you and your spouse over to share the holidays with them.

Comment by Fall on November 26, 2010 at 6:11am: I hope you went for the turkey and to prove a wonderful point to yourself and I think to them to actually, I really do believe that many religious people actually do know how ridiculous it all is deep inside but are too scared to let go of their beliefs....or they are so brainwashed, pitiful really.
If you go you will see how totally how hypocritical and ridiculous they are (again) and how twisted their sense of morality is and hopefully feel somewhat "cleansed" in the knowledge of how kind and considerate YOU are making an effort again.
Proving that your morality is inherent and not a gift from a made up god..You are the better person,you are the smart one.No time for hate.

Comment by Adrianne on November 24, 2010 at 4:13am: He hasn't asked to go......he just knows its that time of year. I offered to go with him because he has wanted to go hunting but he works instead. He spends so much time working I wanted to give him something he really wanted to do.

He knows all too well how everyone treats me. That's why he never wants to be around them.

In reality I am probably just going to stay home and make a meal for the husband

Comment by Louis on November 24, 2010 at 3:34am: Then he can go on his own! Can you imagine asking him to go somewhere where everyone hates him just because everyone likes you? Would he do it? Would you even ask? Does he know how they feel about you?

If you do go, go with the grace of god, and you're a much bigger person than I am. I guess you have to gauge for yourself how much you think it's worth it. I can almost guarantee you're going to be miserable but he'll probably have a pretty decent time.

Maybe I'm projecting too much, but I just can't see a situation where you come out feeling better for having gone. Either you go and isolate yourself and they talk behind your back, or you go and they talk in front of you as though they were talking behind your back. Maybe they'll stop being assholes but if there's one thing I've learned it's that the older you get the harder it is to stop being an asshole towards someone.

Comment by Adrianne on November 24, 2010 at 3:20am: I had plans to just hang out with my mother but she is going to visit some other's in her family and the last time I was around them I wound up stabbing an aunt by marriage with a fork and then hit a few others on my way out of the door. So needless to say I will never go there again nor am I welcome there anyway.

My husband really wants to go hunting but he works like a dog so he rarely gets a chance to.................if we go no where and do nothing then I will make a feast and he will probably go to work afterwards to get the time and a half pay for working holiday.

All I ever wanted was to be welcome and loved and have a family......................I'm old enough now and used to it enough to know it will never happen...but I do love my husband and would like for him to be able to go and do something for himself................

it's a huge mess...............guh!