Monica S.'s Blog (32)

Is it re-education if you are having to unlearn the bad first?

So my christmas went okay except for two women losing their minds:

My grandmother and my boyfriend's "memaw". My grandmother threw a fit because I went to spend Christmas with the boyfriend, instead of "with the family". Before I left, she kept picking arguements with my mother and egging her on by talking about how she wish she could see "her family".

The same family that left her nearly blind, starving, and not very clean.

It's upsetting how what me and my mom…

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Added by Monica S. on January 5, 2012 at 8:42pm — No Comments

Its friday and I AM NOT IN LOVE

So today in the discussion forum in class, the topic of nature vs nurture came up(I'm a psych major so this was going to happen ANYWAY). Well one of the students, I'll name him Mark Christian, ranted on and on about choice, and then said this gem:

 

"In the continuum I lean more toward Environmental explanations for our behavior. The choice to pursue a change in gender for example, rests on a decision by us to do that, and may come from overly being associated with a female All…

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Added by Monica S. on October 28, 2011 at 5:20pm — 6 Comments

It may be Tuesday, but it feels like Monday

I pushed myself too hard, and now I am paying for it.

My surgical pain is at the same level that it was a week ago. I'm angry at myself for being weak. What makes me even more angry is that it took me spending time with the boyfriend to realize I shouldn't have to DO everything. But oh does it make me feel inadequate.

 

I started classes yesterday and it looks like it is going to be really easy.

 

Also...

Folks, I need you to do me a favor. My best…

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Added by Monica S. on October 25, 2011 at 7:34pm — No Comments

It's Monday

So, it has been four months(?) since I've last had to accompany my mother to church. I have responded to my new freedom my sleeping in, writing, or jewelry making. Let's see what is going on with me:

 

-I'm finally learning how to drive. Maybe my mom would put herself in the car with me THIS TIME. 

 

-I'm moving out of the house next year! YES!

 

-I'm Graduating!(yes!) Next Year!(boo!)

 

-I'm starting up my blogs again(oh…

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Added by Monica S. on October 17, 2011 at 7:32pm — 2 Comments

I'm alive!

Wow, I haven't been on here in a while. I can explain(really!)

 

1. I got really sick and I didn't know wtf was going on

 

2. GAD got worse, probably because of #1

 

3. I had my first surgery last Thursday. 

 

Sorry guys. I'll try to bother everyone more often. How is everyone?

 

I'm going to go eat something. I forgot to eat something with my lortab....oopsie.

Added by Monica S. on October 11, 2011 at 3:02pm — 4 Comments

I did not eat the cookie...Morel did

I'm responding to the vyvanse so much better than I thought I would. The only downside? I HAVE TO MOVE. Like, if I am not doing SOMETHING, I will straight up bake a cake or something. Another goodside? The running thoughts that drove me insane? I can actually say that I have one thought at a time now.

 

My mom thinks it's hilarious though.

 

Of course she does. I've become the living breathing poster board for ADD adults. The funny part? My grandmother knew for…

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Added by Monica S. on September 7, 2011 at 7:45pm — 2 Comments

Is Back but obviously needs a nap

So, we(the family), got a new Desktop(yaaaay). That I have to share with EVERYONE(boooo).

 

Nothing really big happened except I actually drove a car(well, SUV) and mom is getting the hint that BWPC and me equals more fodder for therapy. So there is a win.

Reclaiming a life after abuse(spiritual or otherwise) is quite arduous..but I feel as if I don't get to know myself now and stand on my own two feet that I'll always be a broken rod. It sucks living in the country…

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Added by Monica S. on September 1, 2011 at 9:37pm — 3 Comments

Selling God and drinking TheraFlu

In less than 24 hours I have to pack into an airplane and ride to Missouri for a family reunion. It's a family reunion I actually WANT to go to. It's the Smothers Clan and i haven't seen them since I was a teen. I was going to write more, but TheraFlu is a hell of a drug..night folks

Added by Monica S. on July 13, 2011 at 11:42pm — 1 Comment

It's almost Friday! The other two days are dead to me!

The medication is finally working(thank science!), but now I have the flu. In the summer. *headdesk*. So while I am alternating between hot and cold, I watch tv. Or sleep. Mostly sleep.

 

But things are looking better minus that issue. I talked to people on pandy's, and I don't feel so darn alone. I've also have been working on my children's book. I hope it turns out well XP. I am too tired to write a book, so I'll just say thank you. Thank you folks for leaving messages and…

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Added by Monica S. on July 5, 2011 at 9:33pm — No Comments

I finally posted my story on Pandy's

I think it's my third day at Pandora's aqaurium, and I've worked up to 10 entries so far. There is a girl on there who is a big nerd like me, so we talk once in a while. I think she's beautiful.

 

That being said, there is a folder in the forum called "My Story" or something like that. I wrote my story, but to "keep myself sane" I said as much as I could. I don't feel depressed, just very raw. Like if I had an infection and it was JUST getting the help it needs. It hurts like…

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Added by Monica S. on June 30, 2011 at 9:50pm — 2 Comments

I really am a lucky woman.   After I posted on my blog last night, my beau Danny texted me. I bawled my eyes out and explained what was going on. He was compassionate and only recommended that I do o…

I really am a lucky woman.

 

After I posted on my blog last night, my beau Danny texted me. I bawled my eyes out and explained what was going on. He was compassionate and only recommended that I do one thing:

 

Go to Pandora's Aqarium. A member on AN suggested I do the same, but I wussed out until today.My hands trembled while I posted my introduction, making me think I wasn't ready just yet. But I pushed through. And I don't feel so lonely right now, just scared.…

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Added by Monica S. on June 28, 2011 at 2:43pm — No Comments

So I run faster, but he caught me here

I started therapy and seeing a shrink for about a month or so now(or is it two months? crap..). Things have been a bit tense lately, and well, being honest about things to a person who doesn't know you that well..is akin to taking a too small bandaid off of a festering, gaping wound.

 

In other words, it hurts like hell. But keeping it all in hurts even more. I really wished, however, that someone would have warned me of the "overflow" that occurs after a therapy appointment.…

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Added by Monica S. on June 28, 2011 at 12:28am — 7 Comments

Hi my name is...*distracted* squirrel!!(A Study of Insomnia)

*sigh*

Alright, so I passed my ethics class(woo!) and am in the third week of Health Psychology. Or as I'd like to call it, "How to make your patient actually do what you told them to do in the first dang place." or "Patient excuses 101".

 

Before that, I had to evacuate because the Mississippi River decided that she wanted to be a bit of a pain, so I went west. Thankfully, my family did fine. Apparently there was no flooding in my town, but the ones around it got lots…

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Added by Monica S. on May 30, 2011 at 3:37am — No Comments

Giving you an Update

Alright, so my life is officially quiet enough now to update on the crap that was stressing me out:

 

1) The HIV Test I was freaking out about....apparently never existed. As in no one drew blood for it, doctor did not sign off on it, and I was panicking over nothing. Like an idiot. 

 

2) No one told me this until two weeks in. I didn't know if I wanted to laugh or punch their lights out.

 

3) School is fine, except my teacher still does not…

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Added by Monica S. on April 27, 2011 at 11:29am — 2 Comments

I need a vacation from myself or maybe just the state of La.

I have had the most failtastic week in my life(so far).

First, my anxiety went out of control(what am I saying?? it's still OUT OF control..) and it took me a while to convice my mom that I really really really really really really need to be on anxiety meds.

 

Second, my depression flared up because of the anxiety(wtf?!). So I just wanted to lay around all day. I didn't let myself though, I made myself do things and actually make headway into moving out of this state.…

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Added by Monica S. on April 16, 2011 at 12:30pm — 3 Comments

Oh Boy

So, I finally bit the bullet. I kept saying how I wanted my writing out there more, so I did it. I sent my resume and a writing sample to demand studios. I really hope I am accepted, and if I am that I am no less than excellent in my work.

 

Also, I started(with my friend) a vlog. I did the first installment, and it stank horribly. I was too quiet and really need to just work more on my "computer presence". I need help *facedesk*

 

I've been writing in my blog…

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Added by Monica S. on April 8, 2011 at 1:42am — 2 Comments

Ethics ate my brain

So, I started my Ethics class two weeks ago, and it's getting kinda hairy. There is only 22 of us, and there is already a line in the sand. On one side, there are the "so obviously atheist/agnostic it is not funny" and "The bible says it is the good book so I am going to agree with it.".

 

The question for Wed. was "are you a relativist or an absolutist?". I, either misreading or just not really explaining myself, stated that I was an absolutist. There are things that I…

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Added by Monica S. on March 29, 2011 at 8:11pm — 6 Comments

I can't laugh at this, it makes me too angry

In Crawford,Tx  an 11 year old girl was gang raped by 18 adult men. I call them adult men because I'm sorry, if you are a young man(age 16) and you willingly rape an 11 year old girl, you are now an adult.

 

What makes me angry is the fact that there are honestly people playing the race card. An 11 year old girl has been brutally raped, and people are just so selfish and self-important that they just HAVE to remove the responsibility that is firmly on the correct shoulders, and…

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Added by Monica S. on March 20, 2011 at 5:47pm — 22 Comments

Fracken A

A lot of things I can overlook, or just scream saying "You idiot". But this...this...just...

 

Let me give some background. I'm an Anne Rice fan(ducks), and she posted this on her fan page on fb basically like "What in the name of God"...

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7UmotTE-VlY

Added by Monica S. on March 14, 2011 at 9:30pm — 1 Comment

Ramble on women in photo ads

Today, my friend Sonia posted a link on the avertisements(I suck at spelling this word, must look it up) and how they affect women. They stated that 70 percent of the women who looked at the fashion pictures in mags of women in various postitions like laying on the ground..on their knees...eating a corn dog(kidding on the last one) within three minutes felt guilty,shameful, and depressed.

 

And I guess in some way I'm part of the 70 and 30. I see the women there and want to be…

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Added by Monica S. on March 11, 2011 at 1:58pm — 1 Comment

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