Richard Cahill's Blog (18)

ARK SNARKING

A full-size replica of Noah's Ark is being constructed in the American heartland, and you are being invited to pay for it. After numerous fruitless expeditions and archaeological digs in and around Mt. Ararat, rumored to be the resting place of the original Ark, faithful Christians have apparently given up on finding it and opted to build a new one.



The new Ark will be located, as the project's publicists coyly…

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Added by Richard Cahill on October 4, 2013 at 1:49pm — 3 Comments

All Atheists Go to Heaven

Picture Cool with atheists, too

Recently anointed Pope Francis just shocked the religious world by announcing that atheists, like Catholics, can be admitted to Heaven.



This column salutes the Pope's decision, although I'm not going to be bashful about pointing out that I…
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Added by Richard Cahill on May 27, 2013 at 12:10am — 4 Comments

No Hell for Huckabee Causing Atheists to Abandon Non-Belief

 

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Going to Hell? You betcha!
The Newtown, Connecticut school shooting and subsequent remarks by overweight Fox pundit and former Presidential candidate Mike Huckabee that the slaughter of twenty…
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Added by Richard Cahill on December 15, 2012 at 1:36pm — 6 Comments

Dollar Store Combat Jesus--Prince of Armed, Wary Cease-Fires

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This extraordinary representation of the Savior was discovered by the author’s son in a 99 Cent Only store in Vista, California. You can dig up all the medieval relics you want, stare at all the Shrouds of Wherever for as long as you like, or pay precious money for ancient Byzantine icons and you will never see an image of the Christ quite like this one.

First, consider his garments. He has wisely abandoned His traditional robes…

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Added by Richard Cahill on December 3, 2012 at 4:23pm — 7 Comments

Roofies Good, Morning After Pills Bad--God on Rape



A lot of you wonder how I feel about human life and when it begins. I get a lot of puzzled prayers on it. "Lord," these supplicants say. "do you really mean it when you say some four-cell blastocyst is the same as a real breathing human being like Ted Nugent or Honey Boo-Boo?"



To which I respond, Hell yeah. Life is sacred because I make it that way. All seven billion of you are made in My image, from the coldest Eskimo in Nome to the hottest stripper in…

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Added by Richard Cahill on October 30, 2012 at 12:08pm — No Comments

"Spiritual But Not Religious" Pisses People Off

I hadn't seen the term "spiritual but not religious" since I quit computer dating going on two years ago, having found the perfect woman for me on the Internet. While I was cyber-dating, it was featured on nearly every profile I clicked on. Perhaps many women just don't want to admit that they are out-and-out atheists or merry agnostics, at least in public, but the "S but not R" box was the one most of them chose. The second most common was "Christian," the third "Catholic." The rarest…

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Added by Richard Cahill on October 11, 2012 at 9:31am — No Comments

Feathery Dinosaurs Don't Tickle Bible Nuts

In a development completely unimportant in both theology and science, fundamental Christians have expressed their opposition to feathered dinosaurs.



A little background here: Creationistas, who believe the Bible to be literally true, have always had…

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Added by Richard Cahill on October 6, 2012 at 11:02am — 2 Comments

Why Atheists Need God

Mostly for sex and swearing, it turns out.

The only unexpected thing that happened while the Democrats were getting down in Charlotte last week was that God, who was originally not invited to the party, was let back in, prompting an unexpected chorus of boos and protests from the delegates. The prevailing opinion is that the boos were generated by Democratic atheists, who felt disrespected.



The Democrats are the party of atheists, probably…

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Added by Richard Cahill on September 16, 2012 at 11:54am — 3 Comments

Satan's A Slacker

Prince of Darkness revealed as just a goof-off.

http://www.richardcahill.net/1/post/2012/08/satan-is-a-slacker.html

Added by Richard Cahill on August 9, 2012 at 10:32am — 1 Comment

He Exists! And He Has an Unexpected New Commandment for Humanity!

Google hates me when I reproduce entire blog posts, so indulge me and go to http://www.richardcahill.net/1/post/2012/07/god-appears-in-glory-tells-humanity-to-shut-up.html for the rest of this breathtaking theological development.

Added by Richard Cahill on July 31, 2012 at 11:00am — No Comments

He Exists! And He Has an Unexpected New Commandment for Humanity!

Google hates me when I reproduce entire blog posts, so indulge me and go to http://www.richardcahill.net/1/post/2012/07/god-appears-in-glory-tells-humanity-to-shut-up.html for the rest of this breathtaking theological development.

Added by Richard Cahill on July 31, 2012 at 11:00am — No Comments

Author Suspected of Being Raptured, Chaos Narrowly Avoided

I was apparently, at least to the casual observer, Raptured over the weekend. The casual observer in this case was my Significant Other. Having gotten up briskly instead of lying around in a sprawled stupor like she was, I decided to go hiking in the local mountains after completing my computing chores. This meant I needed to change shorts, and I left the first pair on in her pink leather office chair, draping them over the seat in a manner that suggested, to a certain…

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Added by Richard Cahill on April 23, 2012 at 1:22pm — 1 Comment

Take Me to the River, or Possibly the Freezer

The Mormons have again gotten into trouble for baptizing people after they were dead. The Mormons defend the practice because they feel it solves the theological problem of people who died before the one true faith (theirs) was founded being ineligible to attain Mormon salvation.



One the face of it, this is a generous offer. The faith I was raised in,…

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Added by Richard Cahill on March 21, 2012 at 12:45am — No Comments

Does Jesus Love Tim Tebow More Than You?

Now that Peyton Manning's headed for Denver, it may be a sign that Jesus-Tim Tebow relationship is cooling a little, but back towards the end of last season, this was the burning question.

The author is trying to avoid thinking about the entire football season this year, since both his favorite teams finished 8-8 and out of the playoffs, but it's hard to avoid hearing about born-again QB Tim Tebow. His latest …

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Added by Richard Cahill on March 19, 2012 at 5:18pm — No Comments

Burn Them All

Now that Quran burning is killing people again, I think my thoughts on the original Quran Burner are worth revisiting. And for you Rick Santorum fans out there, I mentioned his advice to talk to plants today on my blog.



The …

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Added by Richard Cahill on March 14, 2012 at 9:50pm — 1 Comment

The Bright Side of the Apocalypse

With Harold Camping back in the news by apologizing to us all for having unsuccessfully predicted the end of the world last year, it's time to recall those festive days. I enjoyed them as much as most people of non-faith, so I thought I'd contribute one of my pieces from back then. 

Apparently, the end of the world is scheduled sooner than both of my readers have been thinking. Most of us, especially those of us…

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Added by Richard Cahill on March 10, 2012 at 3:30pm — No Comments

The Parable of the Disc Jockey

Non-believers need parables too...here's one I posted on my blog http://richardcahill.net a few months ago.



A man had owned a seaside bar in a harbor town for many years. Most of those years had been prosperous; his bar's deck was the widest and his beer was the coldest and his waitresses the most nubile of any bar in the town. Tourists and locals alike flocked to his club to drink and…

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Added by Richard Cahill on March 9, 2012 at 6:18pm — 2 Comments

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