All of you fine Christian females that are eagerly awaiting the chance to blow Jesus when he comes back can have me as a consolation prize if he doesn't show up.

I organized an Easter egg hunt for all of the children and promised that the Easter eggs contained something very important. But, to the surprise of the children, all of the eggs were empty. "You have all made an important discovery," I preached. "Those eggs contain all of the evidence we have that Jesus rose from the dead today." One of the kids screamed when he opened his egg and found that it was completely full of horse shit. "Oh, look! Jack found the Mormon egg!"

…except for that one time he publicly tortured and slaughtered his kid…which was after he flooded the entire world and killed almost EVERYTHING.

Smoking a few chapters from Leviticus. It's a nice blend, but a little bit harsh. Now, get me some of those New Testament papers and I'll be seeing Jesus, Santa, and Harry Potter in no time at all. Raise your lighter and smoke your Bibles. Cheers! Continue

Have you ever seen a bumper sticker that says "Real Men Love Jesus?" 10 times out of 10, the guy driving the car is a stay at home, hipster, soccerdad who couldn't kick Justin Beiber's ass. Here's what mister tough guy is trying to tell you...





I'm a grown heterosexual man with strong feelings of love towards another man. This particular man is depicted as having long, ravishing hair, a sexy Colgate smile, and washboard abs. Often times he is shirtless and honestly, that gets me… Continue

It's Palm Sunday and everyone was lined up to get those silly Palm leaves shaped like a cross. I didn't get one because Pastor Dickface decided to take my words "Pass the grass homeboy" out of context.

We know it's been said in the Bible that if two Christians get together and pray, God would expedite the prayer request and grant it. But before that could happen, you would have to find two Christians that can agree on a definition of God, his personality, what his wishes are, and which testaments are still valid. That alone would be a miracle. Continue

Creationists can't understand the complexities of the human eye, yet they somehow fully understand (and speak with) the infinitely more complex, invisible, and undetectable entity that designed the eye. Continue

Personal revelation is such horse shit. What information would God want to give YOU, THE CHOSEN ONE, that he feels the need to withhold from everyone else? The fact that he exists? Cool story bro! Fucking Pat Robertson could have told me that. Continue

God killed his kid because he loves a group of people that constantly piss him off. It’s bad enough that Christians find absolutely nothing wrong with this; they think it’s fucking awesome. Continue

Mormonism or Scientology?

I laugh my ass off every time I see a bumper sticker that says "Real Men Love Jesus." 10 times out of 10, the guy driving the car is a stay at home, hipster, soccerdad who couldn't kick Justin Beiber's ass. Real men bow to no one. Real men aren't afraid of nonsensical, superstitious threats. Real men THINK. Continue