Odin Zeus McGaffer's Blog (99)

Is the Bible open to interpretation?

If the Bible is truly the word of God, there is no need for personal interpretation. God has dictated his rules and desires; he doesn’t need billions of varied human interpretations to distort his views. Besides, why would a lowly human interpretation of the Bible be better than the God who wrote it? Could there possibly be an error in the Bible if God dictated it? Think about that. The same God who created trillions of stars, billions of galaxies, the…

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Added by Odin Zeus McGaffer on January 7, 2012 at 10:38am — 5 Comments

Thrown out of church today.

The pastor asked me what I did last night on New Year's Eve. I told him that I have no idea what I did last night because I was more fucked up than a child coming out of Vacation Bible School.

Added by Odin Zeus McGaffer on January 1, 2012 at 10:36am — 2 Comments

Thrown out of church today.

The pastor asked me what I did last night on New Year's Eve. I told him that I have no idea what I did last night because I was more fucked up than a child coming out of Vacation Bible School.

Added by Odin Zeus McGaffer on January 1, 2012 at 10:36am — No Comments

Everyone who predicted and prayed for the return of Jesus in 2011 has officially been met with a giant, transcendent middle finger.

Being wrong sucks, so let’s all show some compassion and practice good sportsmanship towards the losing team… LOOOOSERS!! LOOOOOOOSERS!!! LEEEEWWWWWWWWZZZERSSSSSS!!!!!

Added by Odin Zeus McGaffer on December 31, 2011 at 4:32pm — 1 Comment

Christians For A Moral America Plan 'The Hobbit' Boycott

Christians For A Moral America Plan 'The Hobbit' Boycott

The Christoholics are upset again! OH NNOOEEZZ!! You poor, persecuted shitheads, I totally respect your feelings! :(



"Invading your local cinema next winter is a new work of evil "The Hobbit". "The Hobbit" follows on from the "Lord Of The Rings" trilogy and seemingly has brought everyone back…

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Added by Odin Zeus McGaffer on December 30, 2011 at 11:12am — 6 Comments

Thrown out of church today

Thrown out of church today.  Racked up a $400 speeding ticket on the way and I couldn't hide my anger.  When the preacher asked me what was wrong, I didn't feel like going into detail:  "Let's just say that Lot's daughters didn't get fucked this bad."

Added by Odin Zeus McGaffer on December 11, 2011 at 2:42pm — 3 Comments

Thrown out of church today.

I needed change when the collection plate came around. Apparently four 20s and three 10s isn't correct change for a 5.

Added by Odin Zeus McGaffer on December 4, 2011 at 8:47am — No Comments

Thrown out of church again.

When it was time to give praise to Jesus, I rolled my eyes and let out an obnoxious groan.  When the rest of the congregation asked what was wrong, I told them that I just couldn't bring myself to worship a 33 year old virgin that still lives with his parents.

 

Added by Odin Zeus McGaffer on November 27, 2011 at 11:55am — 2 Comments

A Thanksgiving Prayer

Bless, O Lord this food that it may be an effective and salutary remedy for mankind. In other words, please let all of the nutrients contained in this food be as effective as possible in my digestion system. Don’t let it give me diarrhea, food poisoning, or any sort of general discomfort. Thank you for giving me this food while you let countless others starve to death around the world. For Thy name's sake, grant that all who partake of this food may obtain health of body, safety of soul,…

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Added by Odin Zeus McGaffer on November 24, 2011 at 6:49pm — 3 Comments

Do you think God is happy that slavery is illegal?

Do you think God is happy that slavery is illegal?  Put yourself in God's shoes for a second: If you wrote a book of instructions for all humans to follow, wouldn't you expect them to follow it letter by letter? What if these pesky little humans started questioning and eliminating your rules?  You'd want to send all of those little bastards to Hell!

 

Added by Odin Zeus McGaffer on November 22, 2011 at 8:57pm — 9 Comments

Thrown out of church today.

At one point during the service, the pastor said "Jesus paid the price," shortly after he starts passing around a collection plate asking for money.  Hah!  No thanks, I saw what happened to Jesus.

 

Added by Odin Zeus McGaffer on November 20, 2011 at 10:13am — No Comments

Ken doll is whining again

Someone get a tissue for Ken Ham's crying vagina.  This is awesome.

 

Are You Aware of the Battles Against AiG and the Truth of God’s Word?

Added by Odin Zeus McGaffer on November 15, 2011 at 10:46am — No Comments

He is a very vengeful God, Stan.

Chef: Stan, sometimes God takes those closest to us, because it makes him feel better about himself. He is a very vengeful God, Stan. He's all pissed off about something we did thousands of years ago. He just can't get over it, so he doesn't care who he takes. Children, puppies, it don't matter to him, so long as it makes us sad. Do you understand?



Stan: But then, why does God give us anything to start with?



Chef: Well, look at it this way: if you want to make a baby…

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Added by Odin Zeus McGaffer on November 14, 2011 at 8:09am — 4 Comments

It's 11/11/11.

It's 11/11/11. Maybe Jesus will come back today and take 11 shits in 11 urinals in 11 churches, signifying the end of times and the Rapture of Piss-shitters where they will be taken to a far off land to rightfully eat Oreo cookies and shit in urinals forever with Jesus.  So let it be shittin', so let it be dumped.

Added by Odin Zeus McGaffer on November 11, 2011 at 8:39am — No Comments

'Cause I'm the real Christian, yes I'm the real Christian, all you other "real Christians" are just imitating, so won't the real Christian please stand up, please stand up, please stand up.

'Cause I'm the real Christian, yes I'm the real Christian, all you other "real Christians" are just imitating, so won't the real Christian please stand up, please stand up, please stand up. Continue

Added by Odin Zeus McGaffer on November 5, 2011 at 9:40am — 1 Comment

Jesus Is Lard: Smelly, Corrupt, and Bad For You

Odin Zeus McGaffer is back, and more offensive than ever. The highly anticipated follow up to Does God Get Diarrhea? is finally here in all of its disgusting glory. Dive into McGaffer's twisted mind where nothing is sacred and no subject is taboo. Jesus Is Lard offers a slightly different view of religion with hysterical commentary, comedic perspectives, and outrageous artwork. Far from mainstream, this book…

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Added by Odin Zeus McGaffer on November 4, 2011 at 9:31am — No Comments

Does the Bible contain false information?

Of course not, don't be rude.  There are only mistranslations, metaphors, misinterpretations, and contextual errors.  Silly atheists!

Added by Odin Zeus McGaffer on October 28, 2011 at 9:40pm — 6 Comments

A degree in Biblical Jacking

What the hell would you do with a degree in Biblical Studies besides sit in your room and stroke your meat rocket over the thought of Jesus coming back?


Oh yeah….FAP FAP…Jesus is coming…FAP FAP…SO AM I…UGGGHHHH!!!!

Added by Odin Zeus McGaffer on October 25, 2011 at 10:00am — 2 Comments

Thrown out of church today.

Thrown out of church today.  I was hungover as usual and feeling incredibly nauseous.  Thankfully the church had installed a vomit box near the entrance labeled "For the sick."  Boy was I sick, but not as sick as the last guy who used the box.  He must have puked up at least $3.50 in pocket change!

Added by Odin Zeus McGaffer on October 23, 2011 at 2:02pm — 2 Comments

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